Sometimes...

I wish there was someone waiting downstairs when I end work late at night.

The Fisherman and the Businessman

Many people don't understand that their time on Earth is so, so brief that they choose to spend time acheiving tangible accomplishments, rather than spending their waking hour reflecting on themselves.

Many of us reckon we should strive hard now in order to live comfortably in the future. Truth of the matter is, the harder you strive, the blinder you become.

I've come to know of a few who, in the name of material wealth and social status, have turned a blind eye to the little time they have in this world to rectify their wrong, to see themselves and others for who they really are and to hold on to their loved ones by their side.

Because who knows? You might just trip, fall and never wake up from a coma; cross the road and get knocked down by a skidding car, or simply choke and suffocate from a fishball.

Just as I was questioning why people around me have chosen the path they have, I saw Paulo Coelho's Facebook post on a one-minute reading of the Fisherman and the Businessman:

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.

As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.

The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”

The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”

“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.

“This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said.

The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”

The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.

“I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible.

"When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network.

"By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”

The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”

The fisherman asks, “And after that?”

The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”

The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”

(Classic Brazilian story, probably also present in other cultures. Someone found the English version, but could not identify the translator)


People do take things for granted....very much and very often.

If the pursuit blinds you some day, remember to remove the veil that shields your eye from plenty marvellous and beautiful things that have yet to be seen by your very shallow mind and eyes.

It repeats..

This week's a repeat of the last, a recurring theme that will last.

Next week's a repeat of this...12 hours, at least?

It repeats and repeats...until the time is complete.

What about me?!

What's with this sudden surge of energy? The past week has been a typical hectic one with lots of overtime - mostly voluntary.

Sleep didn't seem as important anymore because after an entire night out enjoying Tiesto beats by the beach, I woke up in less than seven hours to, erm, work for another seven. Thank goodness I love my job or I'll smash the laptop. No, I wouldn't but I'd curse and swear.

I don't know where I'm getting this semi-positive energy from. I'm beginning to attribute it to the oncoming despair I know I'll be going through soon. In other words, I'm seeking distraction? Positive distraction that is, which has resulted in less sleep but more productivity. Good, no?

I can feel it in my bones that things next year will.... umm, slide. It's often more of a curse than a blessing having such a worrisome nature. Everything worries me; I'm frantic most of the time and I know deep within me, I am absolutely worried shitless to the point of waving the white flag. And the intuitive part of me is able to foresee what will happen.

Heart-to-heart conversations are a rarity; what makes you think we'd even make it through while we're oceans apart? The depth of me can barely be grasped by others; so what makes you think this innate part of me would cling onto your seemingly superficial ideals? I'm an onion and peeling my many layers will take a lot of time. You probably won't see past the third layer. Good or bad? I don't know.

Hatred creeps up within me like a shadow forming during twilight - I try not to point fingers for decisions I played no part in. What is it that they always say? That "promises are made, so that they can be broken"?

Sometimes it's hard being gracious, selfless, understanding and self-sacrificial when all you wanted was something simple. It's not easy because I had no control, no choice, and was probably not even taken into account.

But seriously, what about me?!?!

Fine. I shall not question the haves and have-nots in life. I shall continue playing my supportive, selfless role and go with the flow.

I just don't want to end up hating one day.

Christmas is coming

Thank you for this...I love it more than anything else in the world.

The festive season never fails to make one yearn for loved ones by your side. I've never felt that Christmas could be romantic, until I met her.

The significance of a Christmas reunion only came to light last year when a snowman from Berlin told me that it was "our 1st Christmas together" - an occasion that came so close to not happening.

Now I'm wondering: How will my Christmas be like next year? How will my 30th birthday be spent? How will it be like without her around?

As for now, I'm gonna have myself a merry little Christmas. And I hope you do too.

Because nothing else matters than the present moment.

She doesn't know

Emptiness has become the norm. The meaning behind deep conversations is now lost.

When fueled with unconditional attention, the star glows and radiate energy that becomes uncontrollable.

But when left alone, she withers and mulls the relative distance between everyone.

She yearns for excitement, yet is nonchalant about it. She doesn't know what she wants anymore because she's not been given any options.

She finds it meaningless - everything is meaningless; for all that is in front of her will cease to exist in the snap of her fingers.

She craves for creativity, for spontaneity, but is hindered by her sterility and endlessly seeking for perfection.

She knows the darkness will never go away and she knows she will have to live with it for the rest of her life. Has she not lived with it till now?

She's dropping contact with almost everyone she knows. Because she's tired to talk, she's tired to walk, she's tired of herself.

She's tired of living and she's tired of giving.

She doesn't know her meaning on Earth. She's lost, confused, indifferent and running out of steam.

She asks herself if she's really strong enough to continue plodding on...

...and she doesn't know.

Convention for those wounded in love

I worst, I find, is having to work on a Saturday night when everybody's out and about, enjoying their time with friends, family, lovers...

I was working tonight and came across Paulo Coelho's tweet, which said: Alone this Saturday? Convention for those wounded in love.

And it included a link to his blog with this post...

Convention for those wounded in love

General provisions:

A – Whereas the saying “all is fair in love and war” is absolutely correct;

B – Whereas for war we have the Geneva Convention, approved on 22 August 1864, which provides for those wounded in the battle field, but until now no convention has been signed concerning those wounded in love, who are far greater in number;

It is hereby decreed that:

Article 1 – All lovers, of any sex, are alerted that love, besides being a blessing, is also something extremely dangerous, unpredictable and capable of causing serious damage. Consequently, anyone planning to love should be aware that they are exposing their body and soul to various types of wounds, and that they shall not be able to blame their partner at any moment, since the risk is the same for both.

Article 2 – Once struck by a stray arrow fired from Cupid’s bow, they should immediately ask the archer to shoot the same arrow in the opposite direction, so as not to be afflicted by the wound known as “unrequited love”. Should Cupid refuse to perform such a gesture, the Convention now being promulgated demands that the wounded partner remove the arrow from his/her heart and throw it in the garbage. In order to guarantee this, those concerned should avoid telephone calls, messages over the Internet, sending flowers that are always returned, or each and every means of seduction, since these may yield results in the short run but always end up wrong after a while. The Convention decrees that the wounded person should immediately seek the company of other people and try to control the obsessive thought: “this person is worth fighting for”.

Article 3 – If the wound is caused by third parties, in other words if the loved one has become interested in someone not in the script previously drafted, vengeance is expressly forbidden. In this case, it is allowed to use tears until the eyes dry up, to punch walls or pillows, to insult the ex-partner in conversations with friends, to allege his/her complete lack of taste, but without offending their honor. The Convention determines that the rule contained in Article 2 be applied: seek the company of other persons, preferably in places different from those frequented by the other party.

Article 4 – In the case of light wounds, herein classified as small treacheries, fulminating passions that are short-lived, passing sexual disinterest, the medicine called Pardon should be applied generously and quickly. Once this medicine has been applied, one should never reconsider one’s decision, not even once, and the theme must be completely forgotten and never used as an argument in a fight or in a moment of hatred.

Article 5 – In all definitive wounds, also known as “breaking up”, the only medicine capable of having an effect is called Time. It is no use seeking consolation from fortune-tellers (who always say that the lost lover will return), romantic books (which always have a happy ending), soap-operas on the television or other such things. One should suffer intensely, completely avoiding drugs, tranquilizers and praying to saints. Alcohol is only tolerated if kept to a maximum of two glasses of wine a day.

Final determination:
Those wounded in love, unlike those wounded in armed conflict, are neither victims nor torturers. They chose something that is part of life, and so they have to accept both the agony and the ecstasy of their choice.
And those who have never been wounded in love will never be able to say: “I have lived”. Because they haven’t.

Think happy thoughts

I tend to forget and must remember to:

Think positive things.

Think happy thoughts.

Think positive things.

Think happy thoughts.

Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts...

I actually have to remind myself to be happy.

Something's wrong somewhere.

Maybe, just maybe

Maybe we can be better this time.

Maybe we can go somewhere we've never ventured before,

And look back to realise that we've finally gotten off the fence.

Maybe we can try to let go of all the absurdity and fall into each other's safety net.

Maybe you'd bring me down,

Maybe I'll face my fears,

But most importantly, can you see that I'll try my best?

Maybe I can, if I only would.

For once, this uncertainty is seemingly comforting.

For once, I can rest in your arms and forget about maybe...

Entering the final year of my 20s

Some people like to spend their final year of their 20s with a bang, while I prefer to spend it with my loved ones, enjoying afternoon tea and lazing on the green.

Two of my faves for my birthday treat - foie gras and scones!

Dinner with the love and her love (guess who's "the love" and who's "her love") at Wild Honey.

Midnight birthday cake surprise! Now, how this came about was pretty hilarious. Long story short, I kinda knew (Hehehe) but how it was executed was really cute.

The first of my string of wishes...(I still have a lot more!)

Picnic at the Singapore Botanical Gardens.

Laying out the mat..and improvising to make the area bigger!

Another cake which I thought was durian mooncakes instead. Another cake = more wishes! (I realised the older you get, the more wishes you tend to make)

Opening my pressie from the GF. Teeheehee.

Immediately donning my new gold and silver necklace from the GF.

And another pressie from the loves - Queen of cats!

I must say our picnic is a delicious, mouthwatering gourmet spread!

Our food was so yums, I shall refrain from putting up too many photos of our pigging out faces.

Thank you loves for a lovely birthday! xoxo

Oh...and the lovely FUSCHIA pink iPhone case. Me like!

鋼鐵是怎樣煉成的

如何強硬到孤單都嚇退...

Is that faith?

In an unexpected twist, I was taught the meaning of faith and why it's worth the wait.

Maybe what I lack, she possesses.

Maybe what I possess, she deems as excess.

And perhaps it all boils down to faith because over a year ago, the lack of it was the main contributing factor to my reluctance in the first place.

I think I've been told many times to let go... and believe.

What's the worst thing that could happen anyway? I still have me. I'm still me.

And she says she wants to spend her life with me.

What else is there to need?

I need what she has and that is faith.

The only constant is change

Do you ever get this aching feeling of nostalgia when you look back at old photos?

Months, years and everything changes. You probably remember almost a year ago, you were experiencing heartache.

Three months ago, your head was among the clouds, you were on cloud nine. Four weeks ago, your emotions were tumultuous and seven hours ago, you were, well, you can't quite remember.

Memories only appear in the form of flashbacks, reminders, long forgotten smells, words, places, people. Memories, often captured as photos, film, dialogues. As thoughts, the timbre of a voice and a book.

But more often than not, the most intangible, yet deeply instilled, is the 'mood' of that moment, those few months before it changes yet again to a different climate, a separate atmosphere.

That ethos, when gone, is gone forever. Those words, those smells, the silhouettes that dance around you, the way you dress, walk, talk...are only constant in that short moment.

The thoughts you had, your mentality, your maturity, the way you approached matters, the way you spoke to strangers, your handwriting, your touch, your gaze..all change as time passes by.

And then you forget. You forget the words, smell, familiarity. You forget the food, places, names and faces. You forget because sometimes it's the only thing left for you to do. You forget because you drag your brush across the easel till the ink runs out and you've got none left to continue painting.

They say the only constant is change...change is the only circumstance that is constant, consistent, unceasing. In a matter of months, we've ran so fast, we fell, picked ourselves up and continued running to an invisible finishing line. I think I've figured how that finishing line would appear to me.

Memories are a reminder that nothing changes except change itself. And if I could sear that mood, that climate, that ethos into the depths of my heart, I would. But I'd rather not. I'd rather forget the atmosphere of a once cherished moment, that unbearable lightness. Forgetting is a blessing...

Because sometimes we refuse to slow down and turn around to see whom or what we left behind...

I know I try

I can't do well when I think you're gonna leave me,

But I know I try.

Are you gonna leave me now,

Can't you be believing now?

I know everything about you,

You know everything about me,

Know everything about us.

I can't do well when I think you're gonna leave me,

But I know I try.

Are you gonna leave me now,

Can't you be believing now?

Fleeting happiness

Looking at that smile reminded me how fleeting happiness can be.

In a moment, it could all be devastated to a meaningless puddle of memories.

In a moment, it could all be shattered by complacency, neglect and self-sabotage.

In a fleeting moment, we are back to how we began...

We never existed.

A lion's birthday

A Leo's birthday is, I've realised, filled with pride; pride that stems from happiness, I suppose.

They're proud that it's their birthday, so they bask in the attention that they get and they're seemingly happy with the gifts they receive.

My girl was beaming from ear to ear when the restaurant we went to surprised (actually I arranged it beforehand) her with a birthday cake, while they played a birthday piano tune. The staff started clapping and the Leo turned, waved and said "Thank you, thank you" assertively and confidently. Typical Leo, but the Virgo me just wanted to crawl beneath the table.

:)

It warms my heart to see her smile, really smile. Although the first birthday together turned out to be disastrous, at least our second one was a simple yet magical affair.

Cake #1:

Wishing real hard...I wonder if your wishes come true if you squint your eyes while making one.

Unwrapping the pressies:

Dinner time:

The oysters were fresh, but it gave me the runs less than four hours later. Maybe it's a combo of the steak as well. Hmm. I'm usually ok with raw food, but not this time.

Cake #2. Aww. Love that beam on the face:

While you made your wish, I wished you all the happiness in the world. Happy birthday. :)