Old photos

I broke my vow and went through some old photos...

...and then I wondered whether I'll be truly and genuinely happy again. I was smiling from my heart, beaming with joy and bursting with happiness, contentment and just pure bliss.

Now it's just condescending smiles, indifferent remarks and a feeling like the world is dead to me.

Does this mean that I'm experiencing withdrawal symptoms? Does this mean anything at all, honestly? Perhaps not.

With so much going on and with so much on my plate, I don't really have the time to reflect and reminisce, which is a good thing but it's probably superficial and temporal.

It's only fair to her. But deep down within my heart, it holds a yearning to want to experience that happiness, that level of comfort and that feeling of totally letting my guard down once again and succumbing to that familiar feeling.

"But it's not gonna happen again, Karen," said her alter-ego.

"You're who you are. Accept it and go on with life till you learn to give your entire soul unconditionally, then you'll learn what love really is."

Something which I'll not be able to find, not in the near future, not with any current "flowers" or "bees".

Just memories that are learning to fade unless triggered by old photos which rob me of my much desired sleep.