My X'mas wish list...

Yup! It's the time of the year. Ho ho ho! And this tops my Christmas wish list:

Love the ad too! Tried the camera quickly before the salesman tried tempting me with bundles...and the photo quality was pretty good.

End year bonus! Or better yet...shall wait for the price to drop.

*rubs hands with glee*

The Sixth Tuesday

Morrie's approach was exactly the opposite.

Turn on the faucet. Wash yourself with emotion. It won't hurt you. It will only help.

If you let the fear inside, if you pull it on like a familiar shirt, then you can say to yourself, "All right, it's just fear, I don't have to let it control me. I see it for what it is."

Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely- but eventually be able to say, "All right,that was my moment with loneliness. I'm not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I'm going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world and I'm going to experience them as well."

"Detach", Morrie said again.

I Wrote This For You

Emo-verbal diarrhea...I think this site is good:

http://pleasefindthis.blogspot.com/

Good heartfelt writing, short and meaningful. Love it.

SUPER emo though...

Something's wrong...

I no longer prance around in my room to any random music playing on my laptop. Hell, I no longer bob to music!

I no longer throw my head back in ecstatic laughter. I no longer want to dance, I no longer want to hop into a pool at 3 in the morning and I no longer like to talk to random strangers. Neither do I like to make small talk now.

In fact, I no longer like to talk for too long or too much. I just want to sit quietly with people I'm comfortable with...and not speak (I miss Moo). I am also disliking the idea of meeting so-called "friends", who really are acquaintances. I don't want to meet new people too and no, I don't want to stand around with a cocktail in one hand either.

I am now experiencing a moment of stagnancy and tad hibernation. Leave me with my laptop, iPod, tea/coffee, ciggies, a book..and I'll be a happy girl.

I've got this unsettling feeling and I think I know what's wrong. But I've been sleeping on it.

And I'll continue to sleep on it till I'm ready to wake up with a jolt.

This is the calm before the storm I suppose...no?

The Second Tuesday

"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel.

And if you are ever going to have others trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too - even when you're in the dark.

Even when you're falling." - Morrie

Skin describes it best...

Love..before its lost

"The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost." - Gilbert Keith Chesterton

This simple quote rings many bells and I'm sure it means something to everyone.

Is it an innate thing in humans to take almost everything they possess for granted? May it be money, love, life, friends, family, material possessions - don't we take at least a handful of these for granted?

Perhaps instead of delving into what our purpose on earth is, we should learn instead to cherish what we have because without doing so, we would never ever learn why we're here in the first place.

A friend's granny passed away this afternoon...

I never knew her, I never knew how close she was to her. But I knew the loss is something she would have to bear. A weight in her heart that she has to learn to let go. The memories, no matter good or bad, will always be imprinted in her. But what I found admirable is that she spent every waking moment with her...till the very last minute.

With death, we often reflect how people take their lives for granted - recklessness, self-infliction and negligence are just some methods how those alive deal with their life, when perhaps millions are fighting for their last breath, a morsel of bread and a drop of water.

When our loved ones are taken away at an untimely manner, whether is it by a natural disaster or a freak accident, we tell ourselves that we should have told them how much we loved them, how sorry we were for shouting at them that morning or how much we knew treasured every single moment spent with them.

I, like many others, am guilty for taking certain things in my life for granted.

But I guess to live happily and positively every day, I'd have to tell myself that perhaps when I close my eyes to sleep tonight, I'll probably never see the light of day...and that I have to cherish every waking hour with the people I love..my friends, my family, my lover. Everyone.

And maybe then, I'll finally understand...

Back to where we started...

We traipsed around only to find ourselves going in a definite radius around a point. This point is one which we try so hard to reach no matter how far we stretch ourselves.

Perhaps for a mere moment, we embraced it but somehow... somewhere along the way, someone was careless and in moment's folly, we lost what we tried so hard to grasp.

We ended up losing our bearings and started wandering around without a concrete direction.

Parallel lines never meet. They might be heading towards the same direction, they make a bend round the corner, they curve around obstacles...but they never meet.

What would make them meet would be a drastic change in events, a sudden pull so hard it changes the course it was on.

Whenever I lose direction - no matter is it driving or walking in a foreign country - I keep on walking straight ahead without making any turns. Perhaps in certain countries, it might be a stupid thing to do, but if I still feel lost after walking straight, I'd just turn back and continue walking straight to the point where I started from. I secretly like getting lost because I derive pleasure from finding my way back. I love driving around, getting lost and the further I go, the happier I am - I sense freedom while doing that.

But this time, I am not feeling any pleasure finding my way back. This time, I turned around and faced a frozen wall. I've been pacing up and down next to this wall, pondering if I should go around it, climb over it, or turn away and continue walking.

And this wall isn't any frozen wall. The thick ice refuses to melt no matter how I will it to. All of a sudden, I understood the meaning of being emotionless. No, that can't be it. I'm just afraid. Fucking scared. Yes, that's right.

I'm afraid to break it down; I'm afraid of what's behind it. Will I see multitude forms of anger, hatred and betrayal? Or will I see a different form of tenderness, commitment and faith? Maybe I should just stick to pacing next to it and see if it thaws on its own accord.

So here we go again...we revert to how we were. Only this time, we're walking in parallel directions...and some times, I just want to give up.