1.50am

She has no idea what I’ve been going through. To pass each day on my own; to be here in a country where my friends are just a handful; to learn to adapt to the environment and people; to start my first full-time job; to be 6064.87km away from my close friends and to learn to move on from her. I would say it’s not been easy, but I’m pulling through it. The changes have been great, but what I had thought would kill me, has not. It has only served to make me stronger.

She called me at 1.50am last night and we spoke for an hour. I believe that subconsciously I’ve been waiting for her to call, because I woke up from the vibration of my phone and not the ringing sound of it. Probably I’ve been tuned to be sensitive to any calls that come through after midnight. I’m happy for her, for her ability to detach herself and to feel contented and happy with her life now. I also respect her decision in wanting this life for herself. I wish her happiness. I somehow wonder what goes through her mind when she decides to call me, especially at such an ungodly hour. No, I shouldn’t dwell on the reason behind that.

I don’t know if I did fall asleep last night after hanging up the phone. I felt as if I was thinking in my sleep, not dreaming, but thinking as how I would think when I’m awake. Drifted in and out of sleep and I’m totally exhausted from not having a good night’s rest for the past few days and here I am creating articles, plus I’m thinking of how to do my presentation to the Middle Eastern distributors later. I’m feeling drained, both emotionally and physically.

I hope Tokyo sets up the Australian subsidiaries soon so that I can apply for an internal transfer. But that will not occur in another year. Urgh.

Baldie

I've gone bald. Hahaha. Went for a brazilian wax after work with MH. Feel so clean now. So, in two days, I've gone for a haircut and a wax, plus I just cut and buffed my nails. Feeling very 'groomed' and vain now. Hehe. But then I think I have a problem. I may have to spend $80 every month to trim my hair and wax, just to keep myself neat. That's gonna be rather costly in the long run. Hmm, luckily I don't have anyone else to pay for. Phew.

Ok, I didn't see my almond-eyed girl today. What a letdown.

Good Morning

I just had to blog this morning about the lift at my block and the girl I saw in the train. As I stepped into the lift, I saw a mandarin orange and a persimmon on the floor. What the hell are these fruits doing on the floor? I had no idea. Found it rather strange.

Anyway, while boarding the train at Jurong East, my eyes connected with a girl who was taller than me, let's say about 178cm (her heels weren't that high). She had medium-long straight hair, single lidded almond eyes and really cute cheekbones. We started stealing glances at each other. Haha. I would say that she made my day at 8.20am in the morning. Finally I see a nice face on board the train.

Do I look extremely strange or extremely gay? Because I get weird stares at times which makes me feel terribly uneasy. Not "I-think-you're-cute" or "I-think-you're-hot" stares, but "You-look-funny" sort of stares. I think I look pretty normal - was wearing pants, a teal sleeveless woollen top and a black and white long necklace. Maybe it's the hair. Alright, I'll have to call Mack later for a haircut. Some of my not-so-close colleagues like to give me weird looks at times.

Ah well. Look at what I have to put up with in Singapore. Hahaha. Alright, time to start working. I've got a deadline at 3pm.

My Weekly Timetable

I've lost credibility because I went to play mahjong at psoo's place. Huh?

Saturday was an ok day. Met up with Sheren and MH for a movie in town and home afterwards. Was rather bored. I dread my weekends now. Well, at least I got to play mahjong on Sunday and won some money. But I've been 'banned' as a consequence of winning too much. Haha. Sundays aren't good days man. Nah. Especially nights. I'm always suffering from insomnia on weekends as well. Was very happy to have heard from CE, Grace and Iza. Really miss them. I do hope Iza will be fine.

Had a migraine at work today. The constant pulling of my nerves on the right-hand side of my brain doesn't help in my productivity, but at least I managed to do a few write-ups for the products. Phew. Finally bought some books to entertain myself with so that I can quickly finish up 'The Wind-up Bird Chronicle'. I've been delaying in finishing the book as I didn't have any other book to read after that. So now that I've bought 3: One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Emma by Jane Austen and Candide, Zadig and Selected Stories by Voltaire. That should keep me busy for at least 1 month I hope.

My brother's trying to pick up piano-playing. Been teaching him to recognize the notes (just the first octave of course) so that he doesn't need to count the lines the notes fall on. Wonder how he'll progress if he does put his heart into it. Talking about self-taught programs, I've been real slack in my Japanese. Haha. I'm still stuck on that particular lesson. Hmm, let me think. I think it's about money. Now that's one hell of a confusing lesson. I'm still stuck at the first sentence: ぃくらですか. One day, one day. There's just too many things to learn at work and in your own private time. I'm intending to revise my piano skills again too.

Been conversing with Sheren through email at work because our MSN connection is practically non-existent. Anyway, she wrote a timetable of what she usually does in a week. Here's my version:

Monday = dreading to go home
Tuesday = still dreading to go home and thinking of a drink
Wednesday = absolutely dreading to go home and yearning for a drink
Thursday = finally I might be able to have someone to drink with because her timetable says she meets up with friends on Thursdays. Hmph.
Friday = dreading to go home AGAIN, plus wanting to find something really fun to do
Saturday = watch DVDs and wanting to get out of the house or I'll start moping and sulking
Sunday = as above

Sad but true.

Just had an apple. I somehow still feel bits of the apple in my throat. *gulp*

The Strange Girl

Woke up on Friday morning feeling extremely exhausted and drained. While smoking at the lobby, I bumped into Daren who said that they're having drinks tonight and asked me along. So I agreed, which I ended up regretting after awhile. But I ended up going still.

So after work, the few of us headed down to Indochine along Club St. for a beer. After which, my colleague suggested I join them for Jereme's (one of the founders of Hardware Zone) wedding dinner at Meritus Mandarin as the table for my company had been paid for, plus there were free food and drinks anyway. So I followed them down to Orchard. I hate attending weddings. Especially when watching the video clips and photo montages. I always feel happy for the newly wedded couples, but personally I'd rather not be at a wedding. Weddings are boring unless it's someone close to me who's getting married.

I met up with R. last night as well. She talked about her Bangkok trip and we discussed about work. After that, we talked about us, or if there is any us worth speaking about. Nevertheless, the conversation was a good one. Within that short span of 30-45min, I've at least managed to somehow know how she's feeling and the turmoil she puts herself through. She's a strange girl, that one. Such perfectionists we are. Because of that, I've come to acknowledge that we both have nothing to offer each other and that both of us are only half of our own ideal someone. Which of course, that person does not exist.

And within that moment, I felt a broad spectrum of emotions: love, anger, sadness, acceptance, happiness, relief, hatred, patience, acknowledgement, felt more rational, lighter and slightly stronger. I now know what will be good for me what will not.

*Yawn*. I just woke up an hour ago and I feel like taking a nap again. Think I'll do that. Hehe.

A New Venture

Let me talk about work first. Hehe. Spent 3/4 of the day editing a few articles from UK. Spent the rest of the day bumming around, socialising with colleagues and reading up on Nikkor lenses. Wasn't in the mindset to brainstorm about my bigger proposed project. Urgh.

Met Sheren for a beer after work to discuss about our new business venture. Hehehe. Shall not reveal too much information first, but I'm pretty confident that it'll pick up in time to come. It's the initial stage that's giving us a bit of a headache; contacts and sourcing of stuff.

Hmmm. Pretty tired. Thank god it's Friday tomorrow (TGIF). Sigh. I know I'll be bored over the weekend because my mom will be working at the NATAS fair and I'll be rotting at home with DVDs. Plus my cheque bounced. I don't understand the operations behind cheques. Beats me. It's too confusing even after reading an article on it. Anyway, I shall just wait for POSB's letter. Which also means I won't have money over the weekends till Monday comes (because I overspent this month). Sigh. Thought I could go on a shopping spree for books. Nevertheless, since I'm broke, I shall spend the weekend resting at home. It's going to be boring, but it'll do me good.

......that I hate the most now

Album that I hate the most now: The Great American Songbook by Rod Stewart
Song that I hate the most now: Run by Snow Patrol (and heaps of other songs)
Place that I hate the most now: Happy
Perfume that I hate the most now: Clinique Happy for men
Attitude that I hate the most now: Indifference.
Type of girls I hate the most now: None actually. My eyes have been going gaga every morning when I'm on my way to work. But they all look so lian-ish. Eww.


Work was alright today, busy enough to keep me occupied. Managed to publish a few articles today right before 5.30pm. Ha. I'm efficient. *proud*. Wanted to head down to Alternative after work today for a drink since it's near my office, but I ended up heading home instead.

Thinking of rewarding myself with a shopping spree at Kinokuniya this weekend, so I've been browsing through Amazon.com and planning on what books to buy. Hmmm. Suggestions anyone? I've realized I've been doing many things alone. I think I'll get used to this soon. I normally stay back at work till 6-ish just because I have nothing on afterwards. What a boring life. I've figured that I have nothing to look forward to besides work and earning money. Besides that, there's absolutely nothing else to look forward to in a day.

Good news from Daren today. We went down for a smoke after work and he was telling us that our company is intending to set up subsidiaries in every state of Australia, with Sydney as their main office and Singapore as the HQ. Which means, I'll get a chance to go to Australia! Yay! Or even transfer there. Woohoo.

Sheren and I have been thinking of a sideline business, a. to keep ourselves occupied, and b. to earn some extra money. We just can't think of anything yet. Hope we can come up with something over drinks tomorrow. See, if we were designers or web-designers, we can easily do some freelance projects. The problem is we are not, therefore we need to think of some other sort of business to do.

Sometimes it's easier to start hating things that you used to love.

A Fresh Page

I've just written a "The End" in my LJ and switched over to this window to start my very first entry in "In Her Silent Way"; the name was taken from my favourite artist, which was also my avatar for my LJ blog: Joe Sorren.

And so hopefully with lesser readers I no longer feel the strain of having to be mindful of what I say, considering how F. used to complain how "dramatic" I was in my previous blog. I do know that tonnes and tonnes of people read my blog; people from everywhere: Australia, Singapore, Malaysia, Japan, Hong Kong, China, etc. It is kind of annoying at times. Plus my previous blog had been a tad bit too depressing. A lot of memories and occasions have been written in that blog, practically my life for the past two to three years. Kind of a waste to have to stop writing there. But a fresh page, a clean slate and a brand new blog will probably do me good. Haha.

Feeling rather sleepy now. Must be from the monitor. Thinking of going to sleep once I've fixed this space up. I've just realized my mobile loses its reception everynight when I put it next to me on my bed. I found a solution to that because it never ever happened before. The solution being: I have 3 crystals under my pillow (yes, I sleep with them. Sheren says I'm strange). It must be the energy field from the crystals that affect my mobile reception. Amazing ain't it? Haha. Might as well leave my phone as it is to prevent sudden midnight calls.

A short update about my new job:
It's getting a tad bit busier this week since Daren has been back. It's good, at least I no longer feel bored at work. Managed to complete an article in less than 4 days, with links, pictures and all, to have it posted in the company's website. Daren's pretty happy with my very first article. It's good to have a supporting boss who discusses your workflow with you. Plus I'm getting more comfortable with my colleagues now. So all is good. We're going to the zoo this Friday (during office hours of course) to shoot some images. *Excited*

Ok, work is boring me. Yawn.