Love's new blog...

Hehehe.. :D

A or B?

Does inner security come with age or looks?

What if you only had one and not the other?

When darkness descends...

Like a willow tree that wilts before winter,

You gently lay your branches on my shoulder,

Embracing me.

Like an old pianist,

Who runs her fingers over black and white ebony,

You gently graze along this odd familiarity.

I opened my liturgy of confessions,

Of stark, crude, raw and naked admissions,

And stared at my entries:

Such dark secrets must never see the light of day.

The blasphemy

Someone once told me that to talk about trust in a relationship is "blasphemous".

Because trust, like all things sacred, is an intangible bond shared between close souls - friends, spouses, families, and so forth.

I suppose the reason why she said this was simply because when two start talking about the issue of trust, then it becomes obvious that a crack exists because why would anyone talk about the issue if it's not an issue?

Because it is...it is an issue.

So when this "blasphemy" is committed, what happens then? Everything goes downhill? Or you ignore it and maybe it'll slowly go away...

...and resurface some other day.

Can one no longer fear?

I can't seem to handle the resurfacing of memories...bad ones. Perhaps it's not about me not being able to handle it but rather the impact or 'severity' of it.

And when you gather your thoughts, re-analyse and re-think it through, you start to wonder if bad memories exist only to emphasize the joyous moments in life. Without darkness, there will be no light.

So as I sit and ponder, I recalled Mitch Albom saying: "You need to embrace fear, because when you let fear into your life, you no longer fear." Or something along those lines.

But what happens when you've embraced your fears? Do you not fear anymore? The sense of fear is still there and embracing it does not necessarily negate it. How do you embrace it in its entirety in order for you to not fear fear?

Gushes of memories do not do one any good but I suppose it's only natural for one to recall certain moments in life - albeit the bad or the good.

Or perhaps, just maybe, these moments exist only because you feel...for if I did not feel, I would never mope over it. Oh how I envy those who are indifferent to everything. Who are nonchalant even in the most taxing moments of their lives.

Love is not a blessing...it's a curse and an addiction. A poison that seeps into your heart and stains it with its potent ink, leaving marks and smudges.

It is a blessing only when you can love without fear.

Hello 2010

Instead of reflecting on 2009, this time round, I will look forward to the new year, to the good and bad that will (definitely) be coming my way.

Instead of harping on all the negative things that have happened...sigh..indeed a lot have...I will now embark on this new year with a positive note. Somebody pushed the reset button and it's playing all over again, except this time, it's in a different tune.

This time, it's MY tune.

I don't have a lot of time to waste. In less than two years' time, I'll be leaving my 20s to venture into my 30s. I am running out of time and in six years, I will be less "valuable" in some aspects but more so in others.

To kick start things, I need to have a skin/body care regime so that I can fulfill my ambition in aging gracefully. Moisturisers and facial treatments will be my best friends and I will have to start avoiding the sun.

Next, I need to pave my career properly so that I can head where I intend to in the next five years or so. I will graduate with my masters in July 2011, so hopefully by then, I've already decided my next step.

I need to clean my wardrobe of old rags and replenish them with new threads.

I need to save more money.

I will have to hold on to my loved ones (friends included) closer than ever and get rid of those who continue to disappoint.

I need to stop caring about what others think.

I want to make a trip somewhere, alone. Then again, it'd be boring.

I need to change the windows in my house and my walls need re-painting.

I need to slowly seek a more spiritual side and overcome my fear of fear.

I am slowly moulding myself into the woman I want to be and 2010 will, I hope, be a decisive year for me. I'm looking forward to what might unravel this time round.

But what's really important, is that I continue holding dear to my heart those who have ventured through 2009 with me.

Whether it's a newfound friend, a renewed relationship or a bond forged through daily interaction - if I've confided in you in 2009, follow me into 2010 and let's paint the year red together.

:)