I'm becoming a workaholic and everyone sucks

When you have almost nothing else to look forward to, nothing that would appease your soul and find peace within, you start focusing on the supposedly mundane things in life - like work.

I've never worked such long hours till the past few weeks where I would only leave the office when it's past dinner time...and most of the time, it's voluntary. Other times, it's coz I've got fuck loads of work to do. Ending work just a few hours before midnight seemed the norm.

Perhaps work consoles me...because it's the only thing that's certain. Everything else, whether it's tangible or not, is only a passing phase, like a shadow that appears only when there's light.

Loyalty, friendship, love, betrayal, trust, sensitivity, longing, TLC and fun....can all go to hell. Work is perhaps the only thing I can 'trust' now, since I'm in full control.

And it's the only thing I'm in control of these days. Especially when there are remnants of anger, spite and doubt that surface occasionally; residual emotions of a situation gone wrong...a situation where I had no control of, but never did I do any wrong. So why put me through this?

I can trust no one but myself, hence I have entrusted myself to something mundane and monotonous, yet distracts me from all the possibilities of slipping into depression again.

And no, you short, dumb fuck. I DON'T talk to walls. Who the hell gave you this idea AND why the eff did you relate such a horrid story to others?

You know what's the thing I hate about myself? Is that I can make you think I'm ok with you and that everything's fine, without you ever realising how much hatred I bear for you, or how I think you're so beneath me, or how I despise and look down on you.

So watch out. I bite.