Sleep didn't seem as important anymore because after an entire night out enjoying Tiesto beats by the beach, I woke up in less than seven hours to, erm, work for another seven. Thank goodness I love my job or I'll smash the laptop. No, I wouldn't but I'd curse and swear.
I don't know where I'm getting this semi-positive energy from. I'm beginning to attribute it to the oncoming despair I know I'll be going through soon. In other words, I'm seeking distraction? Positive distraction that is, which has resulted in less sleep but more productivity. Good, no?
I can feel it in my bones that things next year will.... umm, slide. It's often more of a curse than a blessing having such a worrisome nature. Everything worries me; I'm frantic most of the time and I know deep within me, I am absolutely worried shitless to the point of waving the white flag. And the intuitive part of me is able to foresee what will happen.
Heart-to-heart conversations are a rarity; what makes you think we'd even make it through while we're oceans apart? The depth of me can barely be grasped by others; so what makes you think this innate part of me would cling onto your seemingly superficial ideals? I'm an onion and peeling my many layers will take a lot of time. You probably won't see past the third layer. Good or bad? I don't know.
Hatred creeps up within me like a shadow forming during twilight - I try not to point fingers for decisions I played no part in. What is it that they always say? That "promises are made, so that they can be broken"?
Sometimes it's hard being gracious, selfless, understanding and self-sacrificial when all you wanted was something simple. It's not easy because I had no control, no choice, and was probably not even taken into account.
But seriously, what about me?!?!
Fine. I shall not question the haves and have-nots in life. I shall continue playing my supportive, selfless role and go with the flow.
I just don't want to end up hating one day.
3 comments:
If e r/s can withstand distance, it is meant to be. U can worry and foresee but both will need to work hard on it. You need to work hard on it. Else, all ur worries n foresight will come true. Work on it n not worry n eventually ruin it. Continue to be strong dear. It's is not time to wither yet.
I know. :)
Thanks dear. I just tend to get worrisome and depressive at times. But I'm more or less ok. Am continuing to be strong. *hugs*
*hugs*
Re-reading what I wrote, I wasn't typing what I was thinking!! It was during one of my sleepless nites. But u get what I mean. Hehe.
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