The phantom girlfriend

Who am I trying to kid?

It finally hit me that my existence was purely to fill a gap...that OUR mutual existence was to fill an emotional void, the need for sole attention from someone to instil that feeling of desire and passion, to conjure emotions that never once existed...that in fact, might not even exist, only that we are too immersed in the present to dig deeper into our hearts and analyse why we're doing this. This void..does it really need to be filled?

This other me - this me who lets down my defenses and who chooses not to confront especially when I know I'm right, who allows things to happen without questioning - is really falling into a bottomless pit. Why did I choose to fly? Why did I choose to close an eye?

I'm treading on dangerous ground again.

But having tasted sweetness, it draws one like bee to honey...that sweet temptation that kept repeating in my head to lay down my guard and embrace it all. Ask yourself this: when you've tasted how sweet and alluring something is, do you not find it hard to face the stark reality when the truth stings you in the face?

Honestly, who am I trying to kid? OR...who's the one who's kidding me?

I should not have seen what I saw.

Having seen that only shatters the illusion that we built in such a frantic, desperate and fragile manner.

So who's lying? We all are because we're all still living in the past...and if the past still brings tears to our eyes, the present is only a mere illusion; a diversion from facing the hurt, a distraction that keeps you on your feet, for I am the "time" that will heal your pain and mend your bruised ego, and you are the "time" that fills my emptiness with seductive pleasure and sweet nothings. If we were not supporting each other now, how hard do you think we'll fall?

I am your emotional buffer. I am also the phantom being. I am that person whom many do not know of but shares the same bed as you. I am the ghost, an entity that does not exist in your virtual cyberworld.

But really, I am that person who has tried to remind you numerous times that you can confide in me, that I can be your best friend.

We're just not honest enough though we try to be serious. And you'd rather tell the whole world, except me. You know what's really sad? Is that there's no trust.

But you know what's even sadder?

It's that the goal of all our betrayals is actually "emptiness".