I'll pack you in a box

Two years ago, I had foreseen the events that might unravel if I were to take the plunge. Two years later, what I foresaw came true.


Whatever reasons that delayed my initial enthusiasm are the same reasons that are being thrown onto the table today. Age, insecurity, distance and so on were some of the issues that I grappled with. And when I took the plunge, I did so, stripped bare to my naked soul. Now that all is exposed, more gets concealed.


Life is about moving on, not remaining stagnant like a puddle of water that refuses to dry up. Every single thing, tangible or not, is impermanent. It's easy to rationalise with oneself but battling rationality along with emotions is an uphill fight.


People enter our lives for various reasons: I know my existence was to propel people to reflect about their lives and to chase their dreams. In return, I am rewarded with nothing. What was your purpose in my life then?


I've been told many times to protect my heart but I ended up protecting someone else's. Instead of preserving my sanity, I lost my mind for the sake of my heart, rendering an unrecognisable me in front of the mirror. What I've wanted, what I don't want, I learnt that from someone. I see now how it's like to protect yourself and while doing so, forsake others. I will be selfish from now on because some part of me died.


A mask I've been wearing for some time is slowly being peeled off. I will learn to be selfish because I see its benefits now. I will not harbour the resentment anymore because the anger inside is eating me up. I will learn to disappear and I will move on with life. I was always here holding on to the remaining piece of string and now, I think it's time to let go of it.


Two years down the road, a crosspath is thrown in front of me which I will unwillingly have to choose one path or the other - both leading to the same destination. A lone path shrouded with willow trees perhaps? At least there are trees.


If, my dear reader, you are wanting to catch the piece of string I'm letting go of, I hope you don't see my name written there, because that bit of string was once attached to me - me a part of it and it a part of me - something no one can deny, something that will not cease, at least for now.

And if in the future, nothing else will bind us, at least I know that love did and will, although it will be packed in a box and stashed in one of the many shelves in our hearts.

I have nothing to lose from smiling, so smile, I will.