Just because you feel good, doesn't make it right

Love, I've realised, cannot be tamed. The more you hold on to it, the quicker it slips away and as it slips, you desperately catch the remaining grains before they disintegrate and disappear altogether.


When you try to understand it and the circumstances surrounding this force, you get more confused, you become vexed, anxious and trapped in your own mind. You try to voice out your feelings but they all come out as gibberish, laced with angst and frustration. When you choose not to speak, you swallow the lumps of sentences but it cannot be sustained for long.


When you try to analyse the effects of it, you end up literally dissecting your brain cells and turning them into mush, thus causing further confusion and anxiety.


After weeks of the said actions above and a few revelations, I realised I had to kill some part of me in order to pull through - in order to mend, to heal and to understand. Sometimes, one just has to kill a small part of oneself to survive. Much like how a stranded man on an island would probably chop off a finger or two to feed himself. And when I heard the inconvenient truth of the matter tonight, some part inside me died.


My heart is a big one (pretty ironic for someone like me; I guess I've changed). As long as there's room, there will always be forgiveness and potential to heal. But now that a certain part is being axed off by me - the part where I thought you could be my anchor and my safety net - I have to let go.


I have to let you go and find yourself without letting you go totally. I have to let you go knowing that you'll find your way back to me again, no matter what happens. And while letting you go, I must also know when to pull you back, when to shine the light to guide your return...when to remind you that I've always been here, although sometimes tired, often times wanting to give up, but nonetheless, not going anywhere.


While darkness slowly transits into dawn, I wake up tired, listless and almost giving up. But I continue on our journey into the unknown and am trusting that you'll be beside me despite everything. I will not put too much thought into it because in order for something to bloom, I have to release my grip...and just let go.

If at the end of it all, my confidence in us is proven wrong, all I have to do is to let go of the remaining string.