1.50am

She has no idea what I’ve been going through. To pass each day on my own; to be here in a country where my friends are just a handful; to learn to adapt to the environment and people; to start my first full-time job; to be 6064.87km away from my close friends and to learn to move on from her. I would say it’s not been easy, but I’m pulling through it. The changes have been great, but what I had thought would kill me, has not. It has only served to make me stronger.

She called me at 1.50am last night and we spoke for an hour. I believe that subconsciously I’ve been waiting for her to call, because I woke up from the vibration of my phone and not the ringing sound of it. Probably I’ve been tuned to be sensitive to any calls that come through after midnight. I’m happy for her, for her ability to detach herself and to feel contented and happy with her life now. I also respect her decision in wanting this life for herself. I wish her happiness. I somehow wonder what goes through her mind when she decides to call me, especially at such an ungodly hour. No, I shouldn’t dwell on the reason behind that.

I don’t know if I did fall asleep last night after hanging up the phone. I felt as if I was thinking in my sleep, not dreaming, but thinking as how I would think when I’m awake. Drifted in and out of sleep and I’m totally exhausted from not having a good night’s rest for the past few days and here I am creating articles, plus I’m thinking of how to do my presentation to the Middle Eastern distributors later. I’m feeling drained, both emotionally and physically.

I hope Tokyo sets up the Australian subsidiaries soon so that I can apply for an internal transfer. But that will not occur in another year. Urgh.