Thursday, April 15, 2010

Another natal chart reading...

A different perspective of my natal chart reading. I've highlighted the ones I think that scream: "That's SO ME!"

It's quite insightful. I knew I was like that, but I didn't know I was REALLY like that.

Sun in Virgo

It is rare to find the stereotypical nitpicky, exacting, "clean freak" in modern-day Virgos. Although the sign of Virgo has evolved with the times, there are some unmistakable traits that remain. Virgo people are generally respectable, hard-working individuals who have a love of knowledge and know-how.

Virgo's symbol, the Virgin, shows itself in the lives of Virgos through a love of all that is "natural" and a certain purity of spirit that keeps Virgos self-sufficient and self-contained, at least on the surface.
Virgos are sensitive to their surroundings, and they tend to embarrass easily. They are generally reticent when faced with anything or anyone new. However, once they feel comfortable, they can talk up a storm. Many Virgo Suns are not too comfortable in the limelight. These types are just fine living in the background, as long as they feel useful and appreciated. Solar Virgos have a strong sense of responsibility. Even when they've convinced themselves to be irresponsible about something or the other, they worry about it.

Not all Virgos are workaholics. However,
when Solar Virgos are not involved in some kind of project, there is generally a vague feeling of discontent. Even when their lives are filled up with work, they are restless and somewhat nervous creatures. The fear of under-performing is often strong. Virgos want to do things well. Some are exacting and thorough, and those Virgos who have convinced themselves to do a less-than-perfect job will generally feel incomplete. There's an odd combination of the intellectual and the practical in Virgo that is sometimes mistaken for coolness. In fact, Virgos are often self-effacing and shy. They'll brush off your compliments quickly and, sometimes, critically; but don't let that fool you. They need your respect and appreciation. In fact, the happiest Virgos are the ones who feel appreciated and useful. Add plenty of worthwhile projects to keep them busy, and Virgos can be some of the sweetest, kindest people around.

Keywords: analytical, intelligent, reserved, critical, helpful, conscientious.

Virgo ascendant Aquarius

Sun in VIII


You have a great urge to go farther or deeper into life every step of the way. You want to experience more, and your desires are both powerful and intense. It is hard for you to find satisfaction in common experiences, and you have magnetic power if you choose to use it wisely. You are fascinated with what lies under the surface, and at some point in your life, self-improvement is a big interest.
You are attracted to unexplored or taboo areas of life, and you avoid all things superficial. Financial problems may ease after marriage.

-65 Square Sun - Neptune

You have a desire to be something special or to experience something more than the ordinary.
You are a day-dreamer and idealist. It is easy for you to trust others, even (and perhaps especially) people who might seem from the outside looking in as unsavory types. You are looking to identify with something beyond what is normally expected of people. You may have had a childhood that didn't help you direct or define your life. Perhaps the early family life was lacking in supervision or clearly defined rules. A father figure may have been absent or distant and ineffective. You may have a glorified image of your father. Whether the image is very positive or very negative (or if it swings between these extremes), the image is not very clear or rational. Whatever the case may be, you struggle with defining who you are. You might gravitate towards the "wrong people", or get in with the "wrong crowd" in an attempt to define who you are. You might be susceptible to being taken advantage of by others, especially by men or authority figures. You may be easily led astray by peculiar desires or self-destructive habits. In order to add a greater-than-ordinary dimension of experience to your life that helps you to feel special and important, you might be attracted to Neptune-ruled behaviors, such as secret affairs, drugs, or other escapist behaviors. In some way, you may feel a strong urge to glamorize your role in the world. There can be some confusion about the past (such as remembering childhood experiences in ways that are far removed from reality), and a tendency to daydream about being someone more "important" than you feel you are. You may struggle with early conditioning that made you feel tossed aside or neglected in some way, and certainly not directed or supported. You are very sensitive, especially with regards to any real or imagined blows to your ego. If the natal chart shows a strong sense of reality and a robust mind (Mercury and Saturn well-placed, for example), the negative interpretations of this aspect are less extreme. Still, you are likely to recognize at some point in your life that you have a tendency to engage in escapist and self-destructive fantasies and/or habits. It is useful to be able to connect these behaviors with their probable source, which is likely to be a weakly-defined ego and identity in childhood.

The Moon represents the emotional responses, unconscious pre-destination, and the self-image.

Moon in Aquarius

Moon in Aquarius people are extremely observant. They are life-time students of human nature, loving to analyze why people do what they do. This often stems from a detached--even shy--personality, especially in youth. Whether due to character or conditioning, Moon in Aquarius people often grow up feeling "different". Although rather sociable, they are often loners at heart. Many have strong egos, or at least powerful defense mechanisms, and most Lunar Aquarians will do their best to be the most unique and unusual person they can be. Their inner feeling of loneliness--that they don't quite fit in--puts them on the outside, looking in. There is a very idealistic and progressive streak in Lunar Aquarians that is admirable indeed. However, when the Moon is in Aquarius, natives often will deny the more irrational qualities of emotions--such as jealousy, possessiveness, and fear--in an effort to be "above" what they consider "pettiness". When this goes too far, Lunar Aquarians can be emotionally blocked, distant, and detached.

Lunar Aquarians can be
very willful, especially in childhood. With age, these natives generally learn to handle their strong needs. Their desire for independence is powerful indeed, no matter what their age. With a quiet Sun and/or Ascendant, their desire to "shock" others is not always apparent until a relationship becomes comfortable. They are generally proud of their family members, boasting just how unique they are. When their families are ultra-conservative, the boast will be that they rebelled against all of that!

Although given to temper tantrums and willful behavior in youth, Moon in Aquarius people often
grow up feeling that messy emotions are unappealing. They often pride themselves for being cool-headed, detached, and "above" what they consider the more base emotions. In the process, they can end up alienating others--and themselves. Although Lunar Aquarians can be especially adept at understanding others' behavior and motivations, they can lose touch with their own--simply because they have identified too strongly with what they aspire to be (and these aspirations are often super-human). The Aquarian tendency to be humanitarian shows up powerfully in Moon in Aquarius. However, their kindness and concern for others is generally more a broad philosophy of life. With people close to them, Moon in Aquarius natives can seemingly lack compassion, as they often fully expect others to be as independent and detached as they are! In close, personal relationships, however, Lunar Aquarians generally give others a lot of personal freedom, and they will tolerate and enjoy all kinds of idiosyncrasies in people around them.

Moon in Aquarius people are rarely flighty people, but they can be unreliable when it concerns the little things in life. Often, this is simply an assertion of their independence. In the long haul, however, they are rather constant, as Aquarius is a fixed sign.
As long as they have their own space and the freedom to be themselves, however kooky that may be, they are trustworthy and loyal. Lunar Aquarians generally make wonderful friends. They'll make a point of leaving nobody on the outside. Many will fight for other's rights and crusade for equality. What may be surprising is that Moon in Aquarius people have a lot of pride. In fact, when they've been attacked in any way (especially regarding their character), they can become very inflexible and cool. It can be difficult to know just how sensitive to criticism Lunar Aquarians are, simply because they hide it so well! When their character or behavior has been criticized, they tend to dig in their heels and keep right on doing it. They fully expect others to accept them exactly as they are, or they don't have much use for them in their lives. These sometimes maddeningly unpredictable people are nevertheless quite charming. They have an unmistakable stubborn streak, but when left to be themselves, they make unusual and endlessly interesting people to be around. Life just wouldn't be the same without Lunar Aquarians' unusual spin on the world and the people in it!

Short description:

She is sociable, intelligent and lucid. Thanks to great sociability, she has many friends. She is modern, original, inventive, non-conformist and brings new life to everything she does.

Weaknesses: she is eccentric, with
sharp mood swings. Complex love life.

Moon in I

Very sensitive. Fantasizes.
She is easily frightened, she is fearful, shy, prudent and emotional.

Your feelings are right out there for everyone to see, and you can come across as emotional and impatient, or nurturing and caring (or both). Your first reaction is emotional, especially if the Moon is in close proximity (within ten degrees) of the Ascendant degree. You need emotional stimulation, movement, and freedom to express yourself in order to feel happy and fulfilled. Your moods are very changeable, and this can be quite obvious to others. Because of your emotional sensitivity, you might often take things too personally, and react too quickly. Developing an awareness that others' emotions are just as important, even if they are not as overt and immediate as yours, will be important.

107 Trine Moon - Venus

You are generally amiable and project a soft and yielding manner.
You possess natural charm and you are highly imaginative and sympathetic. You can make an excellent mediator and go-between. You are keenly aware of your need for relationships and for intimacy. You have a well-developed respect for qualities typically associated with the feminine. People appreciate you for your tender heart and friendly, diplomatic disposition. You should enjoy a good measure of personal popularity and success in your life. Although generally considered "lucky" with relationships and with money, this is less about luck than it is about a certain level of inner peace and positive energy that attracts pleasant situations. At times you can be complacent, downright lazy, and over-indulgent in the "pleasures" of life. However, you are a peace-maker at heart and have an unusual ability to help and heal others. You are gracious and warm.

-80 Square Moon - Uranus

She has a feverish, non-constructive restlessness. She is too susceptible.
Her life is full of change. She is irritable and stubborn at times due to an inner restlessness that is hard to satisfy. She has difficulty concentrating on a job. Nervous strain. Her friendships are like her professional and love life - sometimes unstable. There is a strong need for closeness, but when people get too close, she gets cagey, as she values personal freedom just as much.

78 Sextile Moon - Neptune

Positive aspect: She is kind and sympathetic, with a strongly compassionate nature.
When in love, she is usually very devoted. In fact, she is devoted by nature, not only in matters of the heart.

There is an unmistakably compassionate and understanding side to her nature.
She has a natural affinity to music. While everyone enjoys music, people with Moon in harmonious aspect to Neptune respond to music as a vehicle to heal, relax, and to uplift the soul. Naturally perceptive, without even trying she tunes into the feelings of others, and the mood of her surroundings. There is a distinct emotional need to escape into the world of imagination, and to withdraw from others at times when she needs to re-center herself, largely because she tends to "take in" a lot of mixed energies from her surroundings. Strong and sudden "feelings" and hunches can overcome her. More often than not, her intuition is correct, although her imagination is also powerful and she can read too much into a situation as a result. Some laziness is associated with this position. This stems from a natural timidity and sensitivity that is apparent from youth. She may have been labeled "shy" in youth, and family members or friends may have jumped in to "save" her from situations that required boldness or aggressiveness. Thus, passivity was accepted and, as adults, she may be less experienced than most when it comes to reaching out or going after what she wants.

78 Trine Moon - Pluto

She wavers between a rich and successful domestic life and social success. She has difficulty in succeeding in both. Very perceptive and given to
psychoanalyzing people. A strategist. Powerful emotions and intense feelings.

26 Conjunction Moon - Ascendant

She has a good influence on the family, which loves and helps the person.
She likes travelling, movement, change. She likes contact and is open to other people.

Mercury represents communication, Cartesian and logical spirit.

Mercury in Libra

Usually quite diplomatic and tactful, she evaluates and
weighs things up endlessly, often to the point of indecisiveness. Of good judgment, she expresses herself clearly. Before coming to an opinion on a subject, she listens to the opinions offered by various people and can compare them before making up her own mind. Mental affinity in her relationships is paramount. She is good at compromising and always tries to put herself in others' shoes. Some mental laziness.

Mercury in IX

Her thirst for knowledge is never satisfied. She is full of mental activity. She undertakes exhaustive studies, always studying for pleasure. Likes journeys to faraway places, and can go to live abroad.

You are eternally curious and hunger for knowledge. You enjoy studying and learning, and do it not because you have to, but because you want to. You enjoy exchanging ideas and personal philosophies with others. You can be especially buoyant, enthusiastic, and even inspiring in your communications. While you may not pay enough attention to details, you are skilled at finding a quick solution to problems. You readily see the bigger picture and enjoy sharing your opinions and ideas. You get off on how information affects people's lives, and you take great pleasure in learning that something you have shared or taught has inspired others to take action, experience something new, or make changes in their lives. Some of you might be too quick to offer advice, however, that might be lacking in thoroughness and practicality, or that you yourself don't follow.

487 Conjunction Mercury - Jupiter

She is intelligent, has big ideas: she is tolerant and has a strong sense of justice. She has good judgement, good sense and has her feet on the ground. She has the "gift of the gab", and likes to speak,
she also likes literature. She is erudite and will normally be successful socially.

414 Conjunction Mercury - Saturn

14 Conjunction Mercury - Pluto

She has a great sense of observation and quickly grasps the situation. She is crafty,
subtle and critical.

59 Trine Mercury - Ascendant

She is intelligent, with quick and lively reflexes.
She is preoccupied by her circle, likes to exchange ideas with her friends, but also with strangers. Of an open nature, she goes out to others.

Venus represents an interest for emotions and values, exchange and sharing with others.

Venus in Libra

Venus in Libra people will try to impress you with their kindness, evenhandedness, and willingness to make your relationship work. They have a polished manner in love, which sometimes makes them appear insincere or superficial. They are gentle lovers who hate to be offended.
They are threatened by bad manners and direct or abrasive expression of feelings. They not only prefer to choose the middle road, they seek the middle ground in their relationships. You can expect to be treated fairly, and you may be turned on by Venus in Libra's willingness to concede and adjust their lives to fully accommodate you. Venus in Libra men and women have idealized images of their relationships, even to the point where the relationship becomes bigger than life, taking on a life of its own. They can become quietly resentful if they feel they are being taken advantage of -- and they make it easy for more aggressive types to bully them around.

Pleasing Venus in Libra involves
treating them kindly and fairly. They love to share everything with you, so let them. Foreplay for them can be mental -- they love to communicate with you about the relationship. Sharing turns them on, and tactless or uncouth behavior is a turn-off. Although they seem to put up with a lot, be fair with them. Over time, imbalance in their relationship is sure to make them unhappy, and when it comes to this, they may try to even the score in subtle, roundabout ways. Don't let it come to that, and you will be rewarded with a lover who puts themselves in your shoes and treats you exactly how they would like to be treated.

Venus in IX

Finds love abroad or marries a foreigner. Refined mind, she likes the Arts, is carried away by beautiful things. She is very happy abroad.

You are attracted to, or you tend to attract, people of different cultural backgrounds. You are attracted to a partner with a sense of adventure. You are not especially clingy, and you expect a certain amount of freedom in a partnership. You want to feel like you are growing as an individual, and you won't be happy in a relationship that is restrictive or confining. In fact, you have a great love for the feeling of freedom or limitlessness. Your hips and thighs may be especially attractive! You appreciate a lover who is enthusiastic and not afraid to have a good time (with you!). You aspire to high ideals in love, but some of you might pursue sensations in love rather than true or deep feelings and attachment. Beware of a tendency for dissatisfaction with what you have, as the tendency to think that the "grass is greener" elsewhere can keep you from enjoying or developing what you have.

181 Conjunction Venus - Pluto

Her emotional and sex life is powerful and rich. She lives out truly passionate love affairs.

82 Conjunction Venus - Midheaven

She has good taste, has an affectionate nature, her love is warm and deep, based on intellectual understanding and common tastes. Her friends are useful in furthering her career.

Mars represents the desire for action and physical energy.

Mars in Leo

This is one of the more sexual positions of Mars. While they are rather easy to arouse, their passion is long-standing. Mars in Leo natives
enjoy sex more than most, as long as heavy doses of love and romance are part of the package. In partnership, they demand loyalty and admiration. Impatient with small-mindedness and disloyalty, Mars in Leo natives generally have a strong idealistic streak. They easily get fired up when they feel they've been humiliated, and they defend their high principles with ardor. Mars in Leo natives act with their heart. Their ego is tied up with their actions, so that most anything they do becomes a source of great pride. Though some are self-righteous and quarrelsome, the more sophisticated people with this position are kindly leaders.

Mars in VI

She works with great pleasure and flat out but meets with problems at work, where professional rivalry blocks her ideas and enjoyment.

You tend to work hard, sometimes to the point of exhaustion! You put a lot of energy into your work, and would do best working for yourself or for someone else but independently, as you can quickly become impatient if other members of a team are not working as fast as you. You are also easily upset with procrastination. You can be very skilled at organizing and re-organizing, sorting, classifying, and analyzing. You put a lot of energy into any job you do, and you can easily become riled up or defensive if someone criticizes or intrudes upon the work that you do.

31 Sextile Mars - Saturn

She is energetic and determined. She has strength and resistance, ability and patience: she is tough, and
sometimes insensitive, and puts all her energy and talents into overcoming all the obstacles to her success. She is obstinate, calculating, does not take on anything without having thought of all the possible consequences, she can take all the time in the world and never loses patience to achieve her objectives. She is not particularly popular in her circle, but is feared and respected.

-52 Square Mars - Midheaven

She suffers professional setbacks because she is too impulsive, imprudent and lacks forethought.

Jupiter represents expansion and grace.

Jupiter in Libra

She attracts the most good fortune when she is fair-minded, treats others with equality, is bending without being a doormat, is gracious, and uses her talents at promoting and mediating. Values people and relationships, and might succeed best in partnership. Relating as equals is important to you.
The arts, architecture, law, math, mediating, and politics are possible avenues for success. Use of charm and grace to reach goals.

Jupiter in IX

Deeply intelligent, she is tolerant and sincere.
Professional success can happen abroad or in connection with foreign countries. Faraway voyages are profitable.

281 Conjunction Jupiter - Saturn

She is serious, patient, honest, hard-working, orderly. Her judgment is good and she thinks things over.
She pursues her objectives to the bitter end, usually knowing when to choose the right moment. She is upright and respects the law.

24 Conjunction Jupiter - Pluto

She likes to direct, is intelligent and is an organizer of the first order.

41 Trine Jupiter - Ascendant

She likes meeting friends, around a good meal and in a cordial atmosphere. She is pleasant, jovial and engaging.

Saturn represents contraction and effort.

Saturn in Libra

Recognized for her seriousness, moral qualities. She is respectable, conscientious.

Weaknesses: not open to new ideas.

Saturn in IX

She is studious, patient, rigorous, austere.
She likes reflection, meditation. She carries out all the plans she makes. She is a stay-at-home.

16 Trine Saturn - Ascendant

She is serious, sober, thoughtful, pays attention to detail.
She likes to be with older people.

Uranus represents individual liberty, egoistic liberty.

Uranus in Scorpio

Intelligent and subtle.
Adores research, inquiry, investigation. Very sensual.

Uranus in X

She must have an independent career, with no routine, which satisfies her need to move around, travel and which must in particular have an element of risk attached. She is eccentric.

Neptune represents transcendental liberty, non-egoistic liberty.

Neptune in Sagittarius

Likes long voyages, things foreign, water.

Neptune in XI

Friendships are unselfish, and often wants to belong to a group of like-minded people.

48 Sextile Neptune - Pluto

Pluto represents transformations, mutations and elimination.

Pluto in Libra

Looks for new ways to relate to others.

1 Trine Pluto - Ascendant

She has will-power and ambition, and
likes to have her own way.

House I is the area of self identity. The ascendant is a symbol of how one acts in life. It is the image of the personality as seen by others, and the attitude that one has towards life.

Virgo ascendant Aquarius

Ascendant in Aquarius


How unique and original Aquarius rising natives come across! These individuals are just that -- individuals, and they won't let you forget that fact. Often turned to for advice, these natives possess intellectual poise and savvy.
They often are curious, and quite learned, in both science and metaphysics--anything that involves advancement of the human race holds much appeal. It's hard to shock an Aquarius rising. They've seen it all, or at least want you to think they have. In fact, they often enjoy shocking others. Not that they are flamboyant by nature, but they do like to, albeit quietly, get a rise out of others. Some natives born with Aquarius on their Ascendant can be quietly provocative and irreverent. Most people with this Ascendant are quite friendly and likable. Their personality quirks generally go over quite well with others. They generally give others quite a bit of freedom--accepting, as a rule, people from all walks of life as equals. And, their somewhat cool and detached curiosity about all that goes on around them appeals to most.

Curiously, Aquarius rising people
can be a little standoffish while also coming across as humanitarian and kind. Often labeled as independent and original children, Aquarius rising natives often feel a little "different" or "special" throughout life. They often feel like they are on the outside looking in, and their ability to observe and deduce is often uncanny. They're also adept at getting things to work, even when the parts that make up the whole seem like a puzzle with unusual pieces--especially when it comes to groups of people. This sets them apart as managers and team leaders. The Ascendant often reveals physical mannerisms and even choice of dress, as it shows how people present themselves to the world. With Aquarius here, natives sometimes have a quirkiness to their manner, and some dress in a slightly offbeat manner--not enough to make them stand out like a sore thumb, but just enough to express their original temperament.

Because these people seem so open to new ideas, it may be surprising when you encounter their decidedly stubborn streak. Aquarius is a fixed sign, after all. The ascendant sign shows how individuals react to new situations, and with Aquarius rising, there can be a resistance to change that seems to belie the native's generally progressive nature. There's a
distinct inflexibility with Aquarian rising people, and, sometimes, a tendency to want to force their opinions on others. With their eye to the future of mankind as a whole, some people born with an Aquarius Ascendant overlook the more personal needs of the people closest to them. They are often attracted to partners who possess self-confidence and ardor.

House II is the area of material security and values. It rules money and personal finances, sense of self-worth and basic values, personal possessions.

House II in Pisces

The arts can be a source of income. Her faith in the universe to provide may be helpful or difficult, depending on the overall condition of the second house. When the condition of the second is favorable, easy success in professional life thanks to intelligence, ingeniousness and a few friends. Sheis careful with money without being miserly, because she is generous.

House III is the area of social and intellectual learning.

House III in Aries

Straightforward in speech. Lively intelligence. She is ambitious. She is always ready for any initiative requiring change or novelty. Sometimes, this position suggests an only child, or competitiveness amongst siblings.

House IV is the area of home, family, roots, and deep emotions/sense of self-worth.

House IV in Taurus

Makes a good mother.
Likes to be at home, with the little family for company. Appreciates comfort, peace and quiet, and simple but good food!. Takes care of what she possesses wisely.

House V is the area of creative self-expression, romance, entertainment, children, and gambling.

House V in Gemini

Likes to please:
She can spend hours in the bathroom, preparing to go out, in the hope of meeting someone to dazzle. Likes interminable discussions with friends.

House VI is the area of learning by material transaction.

House VI in Cancer

Likes jobs in contact with the public. Weak point: the stomach.

House VII is the area of one-to-one relationships such as marriage and partnership, and of social and intellectual action.

House VII in Leo

Marriage for
love, based on confidence, honesty, sincerity.

House VIII is the area of emotional security and of security of the soul.

House VIII in Virgo

Small inheritances. Happy old age, natural death. (REALLY?!)

House IX is the area of learning that shapes the identity.

House IX in Libra

Likes justice, honesty, loyalty. Make good lawyers.

House X is the area of material action. The Mid-heaven represents the work one will do in his life, the place one will take in the world of society. It becomes more important as one grows older

House X in Scorpio

Likes professions that involve a certain risk. Those in the police field are recommended.
She likes to investigate. She is curious by nature, takes risks and fights to succeed.

House XI is the area of search for social and intellectual security.

House XI in Sagittarius

Loves above all travel, adventure and friends are often from abroad.

House XII is the area of education and of emotion.


House XII in Capricorn

Disappointments are difficult to digest, the bitterness can last a long time before she is able to react positively.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Don't grow old...just grow up

Gav shared this very meaningful email and it struck a chord. I'm sure we (those of us who are approaching our 30s or are already past 30) can definitely relate to this:

Many people are afraid of growing old. I'm afraid of growing old.
Many people are afraid of growing old, alone. I'm afraid of growing old, insane.
Many people are afraid of losing their looks. (YES THAT'S ME)
I'm afraid of losing my dreams.
Many people are afraid of losing their youth (THAT'S ME TOO).
I'm afraid of losing my soul.
When you're 15, 35 seems ancient.
When you're 35, 15 seems juvenile.
A turnaround in a split second - two decades zoom past and before you know it, it's only a mile to the next millennium.
Don't fear age- it's a rite of personhood.
Don't fear death- it's God's greatest jest.
Don't grow old - you don't have to.
Don't date because you're desperate.
Don't marry because you're miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't separate because you think it's fashionable.
Don't drink because you have troubles.
Don't gamble because you think winning is inevitable.
Don't philander because you think you're irresistible. Most likely, you're not.
Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't try to buy your way into the kingdom of God.
Don't dictate because you're smarter.
Don't demand because you're stronger.
Don't sleep around because you think you're old enough and know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell your self, your family or your ideals.
Don't stagnate. Don't regress.
Learn a new skill. Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr/Ms Right.
Don't throw you life away on absolutely Mr/Ms Wrong because your biological clock is ticking and you can't afford to have your eggs harvested before the new millenium.
There's always a mad rush to something, somewhere but victory does not always belong to those who finish first.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.
You can't always go with the throng who could be wrong.
Sometimes, you have to be alone to be enlightened.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy. Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.
To keep yourself warm, buy a jacket. In the long-run, it will be less complicated and costly.
To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you can be (Yup..doing that. Hehe!).
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter. Get rid of destructive elements - abusive friends, nasty habits and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you're not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
Fall in love - it's the greatest thing on earth.
But take care and remember, after the fall must come the rise.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it (Is this a sign I should book my tickets to Melb, Syd and Korea soon?).
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you must even at society's scorn.
Write poetry. Love deeply.
Walk barefoot. Hold hands. Dance with wild abandon (Ooo, I'd love to dance with wild abandon!).
Cry at the movies.
Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except you.
It is true that life doesn't get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions. Live your dreams. Don't lose faith in God.

Don't grow old. Just grow up.

Friday, March 26, 2010

My coming out story

A friend of mine asked if I could help her gay boss with his Coming Out project and I agreed. So here's my coming out story:



Sunday, March 21, 2010

When a woman is fed up...

I was so sick and tired of my unkempt hair, I spent approx. 4 hours in the salon to bleach, dye and cut my hair.

The day before, I went for a facial and was shopping again.

It looks lighter than it does here:


When a woman is fed up, she either eats or shops. In general, she spends money. :( Shit.

Friday, March 12, 2010

The media has the right

As a public figure, where does your public life stop and when does your private life begin?

The past six months has been exciting for the media all over the world. From Tiger Woods' sexual exploitations in the States, to Chelsea captain John Terry's affair with his mate's girlfriend - the word 'scandal' seemed to have lost its magic touch and people started questioning if adultery was the norm.

After a media brouhaha over Tiger's affairs, it was revealed that footballer Ashley Cole had numerous affairs while married to popstar Cheryl Cole, who left Cole out in the cold to fend for himself.

And then, across the shores in sunny Singapore, renown filmmaker Jack Neo was recently in the limelight for not only having an affair with a 22-year-old "heartlander" (as what Wee Teck from The New Paper calls her) model, but also for making sexual advances and harassing more than 11 women.

This, of course, must have been an open secret that everyone in the industry knew of, but refused to speak out.

So a press conference was held this morning and got the whole little red dot of an island talking and debating heavily on whether it was staged, whether she was brought out to the press con to gain some sympathy points and whether his apology was sincere enough.

It's definitely not the first time and will absolutely not be the last time a public figure (think Jackie Chan and Edison Chen) faces the press with a forlorn look, apologising for his philandering ways.

And all this beckons the question - as a public figure, who are you responsible to? The press? The public? Your fans? Your sponsors?

When you become a public figure, do you sell your soul to fetch millions in sponsorship deals and end up having to maintain a goody two shoes image?

When you are a public figure, are you responsible for the morals and values of society?

In a way, yes.

As public figures - celebrities, athletes, politicians - there's a reason why you're being paid so much in endorsement fees. There's also a reason why people buy your soundtrack, watch your movies and place you on a pedestal..well, ok, semi-pedestal.

Because you are the public image and people like you. You are the moral bearings of society - role models who are appreciated for your talent and art, you are admired by people who look up to you as their beam of light and who are respected for your expertise and possibly, your charm as well.

When all that comes crumbling down, it becomes ugly...very ugly. And this is when good PR strategies come in, albeit some that seemed to have made things worse (think Jack Neo).

At the end of the day, as a public figure, you DO have the responsibility to answer for your wrongdoings and the media DOES have the right to publicise your behaviour.

A public figure must answer to society. A private one answers to himself/herself.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Paradise Circus

Massive Attack is back (finally) and this time with this amazing track and a video literally made up of dreams:


Hearts it. It somehow makes me want to live in my dreams instead coz the emotions are intensified and it always seems to be more beautiful there...vast and infinite.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

A thousand and one ways

There are thousands of ways for things to fall apart but only a few ways to work things out.

We're all pretty much screwed then.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Stress does no one any good

Short fuses don't inspire and miscommunications gradually accumulate to eventually morph into uber sensitivities.

I did no wrong; I'm simply easily misunderstood under pressure and I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt.


Saturday, February 13, 2010

A furry and pretty surprise

Got woken up by a furry and pretty surprise this morning... *beams*

"I love you more than Prada..."

The day we bought similar V-day presents for each other...unbeknownst to both! I am still very amused by this.






Here I go, emulating her 'mood' shots. CMI...




I love you more than Prada too.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

The age of looking lesbian is over..

Because I don't want to enter my 30s looking like a dyke.

Not that there's nothing wrong with it, but when a woman turns 30, it's somehow like a "promotion" of some sort. You're independent, strong and a force to be reckoned with (or so I hope). Looking VERY MUCH like a lesbo is no longer my cup of tea and let's face it, it's easier looking straight than gay.

In fact, I no longer exude the gay vibes my colleague says I do. My hair is no longer short, spunky and styled..it's now longER, bob and flat.

I've ditched my Converse sneakers in the corner and spend most of my days in flats, the occasional four inch heel when I feel dressy, but most of the time, ballet flats and flats.

I've swapped my straight cut jeans for slim cut ones, and then ventured to leggings coz I gave up on looking for nice fitting skinny jeans (I concluded they're a rarity of some sort).

I now wear shorter skirts. Note: shorter, not skimpier.

I keep my eyes peeled for dresses now - of course uber feminine, floral things still irk me hell a lot. Please keep them away from me, thank you very much and pass me some masculine leather pouch or accessory because I can make any masculine item look feminine enough for me. Hehe (I bet no one knows my bag was bought from the men's section).

Don't be mistaken though - I'm still me. But always transforming...always..and a tad bit faster than most people.

Next goal: By the age of 38, I will be donning Prada dresses and aging gracefully.

Back to the court...

After a year long hiatus. It feels great. :)

Tennis is almost like driving. You'll never forget the strokes, you just need to improve on it with practice. But you'll always remember how to hit the ball.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

If sadness is what happens when you turn your anger inwards, hope is what happens when you turn your happiness, outwards.

- Said the person who "wrote this for someone".

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A or B?

Does inner security come with age or looks?

What if you only had one and not the other?


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

When darkness descends...

Like a willow tree that wilts before winter,
You gently lay your branches on my shoulder,
Embracing me.

Like an old pianist,
Who runs her fingers over black and white ebony,
You gently graze along this odd familiarity.

I opened my liturgy of confessions,
Of stark, crude, raw and naked admissions,
And stared at my entries:

Such dark secrets must never see the light of day.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

The blasphemy

Someone once told me that to talk about trust in a relationship is "blasphemous".

Because trust, like all things sacred, is an intangible bond shared between close souls - friends, spouses, families, and so forth.

I suppose the reason why she said this was simply because when two start talking about the issue of trust, then it becomes obvious that a crack exists because why would anyone talk about the issue if it's not an issue?

Because it is...it is an issue.

So when this "blasphemy" is committed, what happens then? Everything goes downhill? Or you ignore it and maybe it'll slowly go away...

...and resurface some other day.


Saturday, January 23, 2010

Can one no longer fear?

I can't seem to handle the resurfacing of memories...bad ones. Perhaps it's not about me not being able to handle it but rather the impact or 'severity' of it.

And when you gather your thoughts, re-analyse and re-think it through, you start to wonder if bad memories exist only to emphasize the joyous moments in life. Without darkness, there will be no light.

So as I sit and ponder, I recalled Mitch Albom saying: "You need to embrace fear, because when you let fear into your life, you no longer fear." Or something along those lines.

But what happens when you've embraced your fears? Do you not fear anymore? The sense of fear is still there and embracing it does not necessarily negate it. How do you embrace it in its entirety in order for you to not fear fear?

Gushes of memories do not do one any good but I suppose it's only natural for one to recall certain moments in life - albeit the bad or the good.

Or perhaps, just maybe, these moments exist only because you feel...for if I did not feel, I would never mope over it. Oh how I envy those who are indifferent to everything. Who are nonchalant even in the most taxing moments of their lives.

Love is not a blessing...it's a curse and an addiction. A poison that seeps into your heart and stains it with its potent ink, leaving marks and smudges.

It is a blessing only when you can love without fear.

Friday, January 08, 2010

Hello 2010

Instead of reflecting on 2009, this time round, I will look forward to the new year, to the good and bad that will (definitely) be coming my way.

Instead of harping on all the negative things that have happened...sigh..indeed a lot have...I will now embark on this new year with a positive note. Somebody pushed the reset button and it's playing all over again, except this time, it's in a different tune.

This time, it's MY tune.

I don't have a lot of time to waste. In less than two years' time, I'll be leaving my 20s to venture into my 30s. I am running out of time and in six years, I will be less "valuable" in some aspects but more so in others.

To kick start things, I need to have a skin/body care regime so that I can fulfill my ambition in aging gracefully. Moisturisers and facial treatments will be my best friends and I will have to start avoiding the sun.

Next, I need to pave my career properly so that I can head where I intend to in the next five years or so. I will graduate with my masters in July 2011, so hopefully by then, I've already decided my next step.

I need to clean my wardrobe of old rags and replenish them with new threads.

I need to save more money.

I will have to hold on to my loved ones (friends included) closer than ever and get rid of those who continue to disappoint.

I need to stop caring about what others think.

I want to make a trip somewhere, alone. Then again, it'd be boring.

I need to change the windows in my house and my walls need re-painting.

I need to slowly seek a more spiritual side and overcome my fear of fear.

I am slowly moulding myself into the woman I want to be and 2010 will, I hope, be a decisive year for me. I'm looking forward to what might unravel this time round.

But what's really important, is that I continue holding dear to my heart those who have ventured through 2009 with me.

Whether it's a newfound friend, a renewed relationship or a bond forged through daily interaction - if I've confided in you in 2009, follow me into 2010 and let's paint the year red together.

:)



Monday, December 14, 2009

I'm becoming a workaholic and everyone sucks

When you have almost nothing else to look forward to, nothing that would appease your soul and find peace within, you start focusing on the supposedly mundane things in life - like work.

I've never worked such long hours till the past few weeks where I would only leave the office when it's past dinner time...and most of the time, it's voluntary. Other times, it's coz I've got fuck loads of work to do. Ending work just a few hours before midnight seemed the norm.

Perhaps work consoles me...because it's the only thing that's certain. Everything else, whether it's tangible or not, is only a passing phase, like a shadow that appears only when there's light.

Loyalty, friendship, love, betrayal, trust, sensitivity, longing, TLC and fun....can all go to hell. Work is perhaps the only thing I can 'trust' now, since I'm in full control.

And it's the only thing I'm in control of these days. Especially when there are remnants of anger, spite and doubt that surface occasionally; residual emotions of a situation gone wrong...a situation where I had no control of, but never did I do any wrong. So why put me through this?

I can trust no one but myself, hence I have entrusted myself to something mundane and monotonous, yet distracts me from all the possibilities of slipping into depression again.

And no, you short, dumb fuck. I DON'T talk to walls. Who the hell gave you this idea AND why the eff did you relate such a horrid story to others?

You know what's the thing I hate about myself? Is that I can make you think I'm ok with you and that everything's fine, without you ever realising how much hatred I bear for you, or how I think you're so beneath me, or how I despise and look down on you.

So watch out. I bite.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Another item to add to my wish list

Three discs this time!! :D

I missed the concert AND the one in 2006, so this is the only form of compensation. #$%^%^&.

Hmm, since she's coming to SG in Feb, I shall (must) arrange an interview with her. Then again, I'd be too nervous to even do my job properly.

What if I pounce on her? Hmm..

Her play is a must. I shall go buy tickets soon.


Thursday, December 10, 2009

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

My X'mas wish list II

When you're given the colours of the rainbow to choose from, which one do you choose?

I finally decided it's time my 4th Gen non-coloured iPod take a loooong rest, considering it's not been soaking up the energy properly each time I charge it. Plus, honestly, it looks bloody ancient on moi - the tech-savvy, social networking chick who refers to her iPhone each time she needs to find out something. *flicks her hair*

So, initially I thought the purple one was nice, then I thought pink was cute, coz I needed a splash of colour. I ended up deliberating with TY and Wah Wah for a looong while, bouncing from purple to pink, and back to purple...and THEN pink again..then blue for awhile, and back to pink.

But when I saw the frontal view of the nanos, I concluded that....

I still prefer monotones and I like the light silver one! Yup, how boring.

I think the light and dark silver ones look nice on a couple - each person holding a different silver version (Ok, how that idea came about, I have absolutely no idea. I just felt the two silvers look good together).

That's it! Silver it is.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

GMT

My heart's beating slower...

By eight hours.

Friday, December 04, 2009

三角志

沒有這件事 妨礙我們
難道我和你 又會一樣
就算不是她 也有問題吧
早該分開 不該怪她

即使跟蹤你 來臨案發現場
牢牢看守著你 提防你搭上這一個她
下個她 都會趁我看不到誘惑你
明白如你要這樣己變心 哪到我害怕

就算她跟你有段情 我也為你高興
用第三者身份見證 最不可靠是愛情
我們無人能得勝 再溫馨 仍不夠耐性
捱得到第四者 煞風景

當初喜歡你 其時你有別人
完全都因為我 才完結過去拋低了她
下個她 不過接替我當天那位置
情外情 轉了對象 別要太驚訝

沒有她都會有別人 你我避免不過
混亂間將彼此錯過 有幾多故事最後
愛人仍然同一個 看清楚 誰都會玩過
誰亦曾被騙過 不知道

伴侶再換就更好 還是越來越退步
能讓路還是再倒 就算再三上訴
你爭我奪投進誰懷抱
誰話愛你注定好心好報

第四者跟你有段情 我也為你高興
外遇萬千燦爛像繁星 可惜那併發症
我們無人能得勝 再溫馨 仍不夠耐性
捱不到第五者 煞風景

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Status updates

KW Lim doesn't know how much she can take, she just wants you to stop lying ONCE and for ALL.

KW Lim reckons you're still lying...yes, still.

KW Lim finally poured her heart out. She now needs it to be filled since it's empty.

KW Lim cried again but not enough to cease crying once and for all.

KW Lim is hurt.

KW Lim is physically drained from emotional strain.

KW Lim is being brutally honest to herself.

KW Lim just sent the longest email in her entire life.

KW Lim cried at work and no one saw (thank goodness).

KW Lim is really not ok.

KW Lim was feeling murderous before, now she's just...bleah.

KW Lim refuses to meet people. It's a sign that she's slipping into depression again.

KW Lim has been working for around 11 hours the past few days and loving it.

KW Lim loves to rest at home with nothing but her book and laptop.

KW Lim is suffering from PMS again.

KW Lim just wants to be left alone. Bugger off.

KW Lim needs "heartbreak leave".

KW Lim wants.

KW Lim doesn't want.

KW Lim misses.

KW Lim doesn't miss.

KW Lim really doesn't need new distractions.

KW Lim should really heed Moo's advice and remain a bachelorette.

KW Lim is being emo. So what?

KW Lim wants to forgive in case she dies tomorrow.

KW Lim doesn't really care if she dies tomorrow.

KW Lim wishes tomorrow never comes.

KW Lim is suffering from a massive headache and shall head to bed...good night peeps.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Vortex

If whatever you've told me is true, then I must have seriously misunderstood you.

But because of a moment's fear, because of your naivety, you created a vortex of cover-ups in which everyone got sucked into. Rather than treating me as your closest confidante, you chose to embark on a different path with consequences you know you had to bear. Rather than running the risk of a major fight between us, you chose to let her manipulate you, and once she started, there was no end...till now.

I wish I could tell you that I forgive you. But I don't. I don't forgive you for sidelining me before you made that choice of yours. I don't forgive you for not raising the alarm about her earlier, way before she could put her filthy paws into this. I don't forgive you for agreeing to her conditions.

It was a CHOICE. No matter how much threat you faced, it was still a choice. Yes, you chose to give in to protect me from whatever emotional damage she might do to me, you chose to cover up so that I would never know when it blew over, when it was over and done for. You chose to take a risk.

But has it not dawned upon you that I was already slowly dying day by day from all the stories you weaved, from all the pain inflicted because of all this? Have you not realised that your choice was the reason why it was so hard for us in the first place? Because you made it worse, you made it so difficult to be with you, and you made it so difficult to believe because of your stupid, silly decision.

You tread too carefully and the chances of slipping are higher. It was carelessness and recklessness on your part.

If I said I want to start all over again, I would be lying to myself because I know certain things are way beyond repair.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Such carelessness and recklessness

With all your well-dressed lies, you put a seven-layer salad to shame.

What you said is true - I deserve someone better. There's not a single soul I know who has told me otherwise. Not a single one.

That's pretty pathetic.

And just when I thought it was over, I came across another letdown when I was attempting to do something out of goodwill.

Please remind me never to be kind.

And seriously, don't try explaining to me again...coz you had your chances but you blew it. Many, many times.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Skin's Nothing But redux

FML


You know this period in your life is fucked because you placed an order, the kitchen didn't get it, so you placed another one.

Then the wrong food arrived, followed by the wrong bill. You asked for the right one and gave them your credit card.

Then the wrong bill with the wrong amount comes back, with your card already swiped.

FML.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The greatest letdown

Out of the gazillion lies and disappointments that ensued, the ultimate letdown, the greatest upset and disappointment, is that I chose to believe when she begged me to let her prove herself, to prove her worth, her love, her fidelity and genuinity before the year ends.

This is the greatest disappointment out of the web of lies that entangled me and dragged me, heart and soul, into her games of deception.

And then I realized they belong together coz whatever reasons/excuses they proclaim to me, are romanticized and laced with notions of nobleness, sacrifice and whatnot.

But to me, they're spouting nonsense. Don't pretend to be a saint when your sole purpose is to save your sorry ass.

To quote an old cliche - birds of a feather, flock together - and you guys belong together. Good riddance.

I don't need your care and concern. Save your tactics for the next victim, they don't work on me.

Well, they do actually. But not from you. Ever again.