Cropped

Went back to Next Salon to get a haircut. Think I look rather weird now, my colleagues are uncomfortable with it. Hmmm.


I wonder why.

The Long Wait

What do you do when someone close to you is in a tormented state of mind, where all that has been gained is subject to loss in a short span of time; where all that remains is her tortured spirit from her youth and her inability to escape from the entrapment of a loveless life that was thrown to the cruel world without a guiding hand.

When all is great and is slowly beginning to pick up, news of something taints and shatters all hope and scatters the broken pieces around like it was worthless to even begin with. Perhaps this time I’ll pick the shattered hope and mend it for her, perhaps this time I’ll just sit, wait and listen or perhaps this time I’ll end up running away, like I always did.

I lie next to her, wishing all I could for her to not push me away because of her state of mind, body and soul. I wished and wished, till I found my eyes were watery, till my heart desires nothing else but to be able to bear this weight. To see her unconsciously entering a self-destructive state of mind destroys me a little.

I turned my head to look at all the framed pictures, grainy and yellow photos of an unspoken past that if you dig deep enough, you’ll see the love that was, that could have been and that no longer remains. I see she tries to search in vain for that unconditional love from all sorts of people, all sorts of people who were either wrong, unworthy or never knew what love was.

No one can tell her heaven from her hell.

So, what do you do?

You wait for miracles to happen.

Sleeping and Loving

Find your own pose!

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner. Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare. You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie. Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you. For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

Banque De Lapin

My Platinum membership from Banque De Lapin has been approved:


Sweetness. Sometimes a mounting board with a few words can mean so much more than anything else.

I've realized I have been rather slack in blogging. Now only do I realize how much time can be taken up just because of your full-time job. At first it seemed pretty easy and less time-consuming. Now I'm constantly dreaming, day-dreaming and spacing out, because I'm thinking of my work. Anyway, all is still good.

I’ve suddenly realized that despite my lowered self-esteem from the previous bruising and bashing of emotions and so forth, this self-unworthiness I experienced before was only temporal, that she may have been a catalyst, a stepping stone in which I had to get over in order to be able to handle this relationship I’m in now. Now that all is good, not only do I have to thank my Bunny, I guess I do need to give myself a pat on the back, for not losing the courage I always had.

Let me digress a bit. I've been wanting to post this but haven't had a chance to. Daren found my image on the Lion's Paw to be worth framing in the office and they finally did:

Off on a Monday

So it's been a long while since I last updated this blog. Reason being, I've been so caught up with work and preparation for the distributor's and ATO meetings that I barely have time to catch up on sleep. The past one week has been hell: both fun and dead tiring. Dinners were great, particularly at The Forbidden City, Chatterbox, Senso and buffet lunches 5 days in a row.

Thank god this week has passed and now things are back to normal at work and I'm spending the Monday at home. Phew. Although some part of me wishes I was at work instead. Bunny mentioned that I'm turning into a workaholic. Hmm. That might be quite true as I've always been refusing to take leave.

The World Cup has been a disappointment. Lost 3 matches and only won 1. Ah well. To hell with that. Am now planning a trip to Koh Samui in September. Woohoo~

Convent Girls (Part 2) & 101 Refusals ver 1.1

Part 2 of the Convent Girl issue:

Leria and I needed to go to M Hotel to take some pictures as well as organize the lunch for our ATO meeting in July. The person we were to liaise with was, to my surprise, a butch acquaintance who was my senior from school. And so, Leria's natural reaction was, "See? Why all the convent girls like that one?" That caused my defense mode to switch on. I replied, "Where got ALL?"

Another incident occured this morning when they realized I had cut my fringe short (refer to image below). Leria commented that I wasn't 'suai' anymore, meaning I wasn't 'handsome' anymore. If only you could see the million question marks that popped out from my head and floating above. Suai? Er, in the first place, I don't even look or behave like a guy! Ok, maybe not very feminine but I look like a goddamn girl. Plus I'm not even butchy. Geez. So that's her impression of me. Hmm.

###

Ok, I just grabbed my 101 refusals from my old blog and now I've updated it again to see how anal I've become. On the contrary, I realised I'm no longer as anal as before. It's a good thing. Hehe.

I refuse to:

1. Smoke lesser
2. Eat less than 3 meals a day
3. Eat yong tau foo
4. Rebond my hair
5. Wear my watch on my left wrist
6. Squeeze in the MRT till my face gets squashed against the window
7. Drive an automatic car
8. Throw my books away
9. Read less
10. Eat Chinese mushrooms
11. Have ONS’s
12. Go down on an ONS
13. Vomit
14. Eat with my spoon in my right hand and the fork on my left
15. Continue drinking after I’ve turned red
16. Not listen to my iPod at least once a day
17. Go to church
18. Grow my hair past my shoulders
19. Explain myself to “chingchong” people
20. Keep exotic pets like snakes and what not
21. Read a book in Chinese
22. Drink the last sip of water or juice that's in the cup coz I think it's dirty
23. Eat the last mouth of rice that's on the plate, coz I think it is dirty
24. Not scrutinize how women’s painted toenails can look like dinosaur claws
25. Go out without my black pouch that contains facial foam, moisturizer, toothbrush and toothpaste, hair clip, concealer, blusher, tampons, oil blotter, a contact lens case and an eyebrow pencil.
26. Not have a haircut every two months
27. Learn to trek water
28. Wear a bare back top
29. Wear undergarments to sleep
30. Scream at my partner at the top of my lungs
31. Or worse, shove her
32. Admit I’m arrogant
33. Have a threesome (or more)
34. Have casual sex
35. Drink cold milk after getting up from bed
36. Find love on Fridae or Friendster
37. Have anal sex
38. Listen to pop music
39. Sing in the shower
40. Talk to people who keep talking about themselves
41. Admit I have issues such as depression and a self-destructive behavior
42. Not be a procrastinator
43. Speak Hokkien
44. Wear sparkly shoes
45. Not sign into MSN at work
46. Go out with someone who is a slimeball
47. Go topless in the ocean or pool
48. Increase my breast size
49. Have kids of my own
50. Eat plain chips
51. Eat sashimi without wasabi
52. Work in a call centre ever again
53. Explain to people why I’m an atheist
54. Not cut my finger nails every one and a half weeks
55. Spit in public
56. Give up Tarot reading
57. Sleep with no less than two pillows
58. Sleep on a flat pillow
59. Entertain kids
60. Not wear Converse shoes
61. Comb my hair
62. Use women’s perfume
63. Have people complaining about the car ride to Great Ocean Road.
64. Stop staring at people who pick their nose while waiting for the traffic light to turn green.
65. Admit I’m a bit too anal
66. Give anyone my stationery from my pencil case
67. Sleep without a blanket despite the weather
68. Prefer any other number besides 2 and 12
69. Eat Indian food with my fingers
70. Drink latte without sugar
71. Use sanitary pads during the day
72. Listen to music while I sleep
73. Buy expensive items
74. Spend more than $100 on gambling
75. Kill live lobsters and crabs
76. Wear green
77. Fall asleep without thinking of tomorrow
78. Talk at the top of my voice in public
79. Swear in Hokkien
80. Not be a sucker for lovely candles
81. Eat yoghurt
82. Not stare at my fingers when I have nothing to look at
83. Not fiddle with my fingers when I have nothing to do with them
84. Sleep after an argument
85. Pretend I'm interested in the conversation
86. Let people know I'm smart
87. Paint my nails
88. Do any body piercing
89. Milk a cow
90. Watch someone giving birth
91. Have sex on the kitchen bench or any other kind of table
92. Not snack on junk food
93. Not wash my face after work everyday
94. Eat fat chips
95. Get intimidated by people who keep trying to scare the shit of me
96. Shout towards the sea
97. Watch Chinese movies in cinemas
98. Leave work on the dot
99. Wax my armpits
100. Eat raw eggs
101. Acknowledge I'm nice

I took this photo this morning because I had to. Urgh.

I'm a Convent Girl (Lesbian)

My colleague, Leria, made a sudden remark today out of the blue, testing my sexual orientation. Here’s how the conversation went:

L: Want to go to the toilet?

K: Err, *ponders*. Okay!

L: But I’m not a convent girl.

K: Err, what has going to the toilet got to do with being a convent girl?

L: Because convent girls are lesbians and I’m not a convent girl.

K: Wahlau! Lesbians come from everywhere lor! Not only convent schools you know?

I proceeded straight to the toilet and decided to take a dump. While sitting on the toilet bowl, it suddenly struck me that the way I answered her statement has essentially answered her question as to whether I’m gay or not.

Reason being, if I was straight, I would be answering this: “Doesn’t mean I’m from a convent school means that I’m lesbian” as compared to “Lesbians are everywhere, not only from convent schools.”

Duh~

But I’m sure they already suspect. For example, I always show a cringed up face when they talk about me getting married or hooking up with a man, either that or they’ve been really nosey in Friendster. Haha. Anyway, Leria has always been the only one to insinuate remarks regarding my sexual orientation, which can be good and bad in certain ways.

Come to think of it, when I was standing up about half an hour ago, I should have just replied, “Yah, I’m lesbian what.” Ha!

Midnight at Mustafa

I was really happy to see Iza again last night, as she just got back almost a week ago from Melbourne but only for a short holiday though. We intended to have coffee at CCK then realized there were no coffee places there anymore, so she suggested I drive her dad’s car because she couldn’t drive manual cars, or rather she refuses to.

So from CCK we went to Bt. Timah for supper (when we only just had our dinner), then while talking about watches, she suggested we go take a look at the watches at Mustafa, since they were cheap and rather nice, in which we really did make a trip down there since I’ve never been to Mustafa before. Was amazed at the amount of items they sell there, ranging from clothes, shoes and perfume, to appliances and electronic goods and so on. Plus I heard it is a 24 hour budget shopping mall and this really fascinated me, coming from a country where all shops close at 5.30pm.

I ended up buying a Casio antique looking watch that I liked plus a perfume (Davidoff Echo) for a total of $85. Ha. Is that budget or what? Of course when I got home, my mother was extremely skeptical of what I had bought and started giving me the “how cheap things don’t last” lecture. Then again, what do you expect from a $26 watch that looks like a $150 watch? Wahaha. She then continued saying that she’ll get me another watch for my birthday since she didn’t get me anything for my graduation and being the silly her, she said she’ll get a Tissot for me. Hmm. *ponders*

By the time we finished browsing through the watches, phones, cameras, etc. it was already past midnight. So we decided it was time to go home, only this time Iza drove home. I’m proud of her ability to drive a manual car all the way home from Little India. CE: you can force her to drive “Benz-benz” already. Haha. I’m sure she’ll tell you the about the whole adventure/story.

It’s nice to know that such impromptu people like me do exist and I wished she’d stay in Singapore instead. Haha. Nonetheless, I wish her all the best in her future undertakings in Melbourne. Hopefully she’ll find it more comfortable in Melbourne than in Singapore soon.

Jamie's Wedding

I just had to blog about this because I told my brother I would.

It was my cousin's wedding yesterday and I missed the morning customary tea session as I'm normally really not bothered about such rituals and the time required to go through all that, plus I dislike weddings.

Anyway, the reason I'm blogging about the wedding is because it was the first time I saw my mom drink. I had a red wine myself and my mom asked for one as well and I was shocked! She's been nagging at me coming home with an alcohol breath and there she was sipping on her red wine. I enjoyed that moment thoroughly. Yes, I know it's nothing shocking, but I found it rather amusing.

Found it so amazing I had to take a picture (Ok, my mobile phone camera sucks).

I'm envious of my mom's drinking capabilites because she didn't turn red, unlike me, my brother and my dad. Tsk. Look at my brother's nonchalant face behind. Haha.

My mom and I (do we really look alike?)

I sent this pic to her and asked if we looked alike. Her reply was I had smaller eyes. That remark made me scrutinize my eyes even more. Hmmm. I still love her (my mom) nonetheless.
I must say the wedding was an ultimate bore, although it was my very own cousin's wedding. I was the "door-bitch". Urgh. The wedding lacked the teary and emo bit, the bit which I utterly hate going through, but still hold on to the belief that all weddings should have that emo-trip.

Haha. Look at my brother's face.

The whole dinner finally finished around 11+. Phew. Stuffed my face with food, but was still hungry by the time I got home (as usual). Konked out and am still tired from the previous week. It just carries over, sigh.

###

Yay! Soccer tonight: Australia vs Japan. I'm gonna start my bets today and I can't contain my excitement. Patriotism vs The Obvious. It's like wearing an Australian jersey but hoping Japan will win. Keke.

Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

god that was strange to see you again
introduced by a friend of a friend
smiled and said 'yes i think we've met before'
in that instant it started to pour,
captured a taxi despite all the rain
we drove in silence across pont champlain
and all of the time you thought i was sad
i was trying to remember your name...

this scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
now you're outside me
you see all the beauty
repent all your sin

it's nothing but time and a face that you lose
i chose to feel it and you couldn't chose
i'll write you a postcard
i'll send you the news
from a house down the road from real love...

live through this, and you won't look back...
live through this, and you won't look back...
live through this, and you won't look back...

there's one thing i want to say, so i'll be brave
you were what i wanted
i gave what i gave
i'm not sorry i met you
i'm not sorry it's over
i'm not sorry there's nothing to say

i'm not sorry there's nothing to say...

Officially a Piglet

A well spent weekend, caught up on lots of rest and FOOD! Hahaha. Someone should have seen how my eyes lit up when she brought me to Chomp Chomp. I have to say it's my maiden voyage there because I've never stepped into Serangoon Gardens. Can't blame someone who hardly steps on Singapore soil.

Backtracking to Friday, we had dinner at Sakae Sushi, Saturday was yakitori and that was rather filling already. Then came Sunday - a medium sting ray, 10 sticks of chicken satay, 6 bbq chicken wings, char kwuay teow and dessert, to share amongst two. I wouldn't say that it was a lot of food, but it sure felt damn good to be pigging out. Hehe.

I am now desperately seeking people who haven't caught DVC to watch with because Sheren decided to catch it on Saturday. *stabs*

Miscellaneous Belongings

I’ve finally received my cargo from Melbourne. The few items that I really missed amongst the books, clothes, photos and CDs, were in fact my so-called ‘spiritual’ items such as my magical chest with a barn owl feather quill that CE gave me, my tarot cards, my crystal stones and some candles. I hold such nonsense close to my heart. On top of that, I felt really relieved to see my books. I swear, next time I die, please bury me with books. No, wait. I don’t want to be buried. Ok, cremate me with a few books and photos then throw all the ashes towards the Twelve Apostles in Victoria. I don’t give a hoot about my clothes, bags and shoes.

After sorting about half of the cargo, I started to sort out my photos and reorganized the pictures according to events occurring from 1999 to whenever-we-started-using-digital-cameras. So many memories: both good and bad. Some are better left forgotten as well. I flipped through all the photos of me with Hoonie, Zon, Grace and the beagle I used to own called Whisky. We all looked so different almost 5 years ago and having looked through pictures of myself, it kind of made me miss my long hair. Contemplating of growing my hair medium long again. Haha. Sigh, how I wished I was able to keep Whisky and eventually bring him back to Singapore.

I’m thinking of bringing some pictures to the office one day to scan and digitize them. Hehe. In the meantime, I should try to make a trip down to Ikea one day to get myself a bookshelf, drawers and boxes. Everything is in a total mess now! Urgh.

###

Had dinner with Sheren and MH last night and then we proceeded to Skin Bar at Red Dot Museum with Charlotte, Qiuling and Jun. We ended up playing the game Brad got me and Grace playing last week - name all the exs, flings, dates and one night stands that you've had starting from A to Z. Wahahaha! I must say, this game really gets your brain going but then you realize that there are so many people who cross your life but never leave any impression at all (minus those intense, serious and passionate romances) and you don't even remember their names now. Sad but true!

All was well till I opened my packet of ciggies and realized I only had about 5 sticks left. I started to panic because I had just bought that pack in the morning! This means that throughout the whole day, I had smoked 15 ciggies. Now that's a lot, considering it's a weekday and I didn't go clubbing or anything along that line. A packet will normally last me 1-2 days and sometimes maybe even 3. And now it doesn't last me a day. =( Something is terribly wrong. I deduced that I must be extremely stressed at work. I think that's why. My colleague and I have been taking more smoke breaks than usual and during each smoke break, we smoke 2 ciggies. I ended up getting a bad lashing from Sheren. Even the other smoker there, Char, doesn't smoke that much. What a fuck up! I definitely need to cut down, it's actually freaking me out because it never used to be like this. Majorly fucked up.

Saturday Night @ Graze, Paradise Now & Elation

Saturday night was a night out with the 'girl girls', comprising of Moo (Grace), Sheren, MH, Gavin, Brad, Ying and Jede. I've finally stepped into Rochester Park after hearing so many people raving about the place. I must admit it really is a nice place to chill out and talk. I even introduced my boss and I think he's going there with some clients tonight. Hehe.

Here are some pics taken at Graze:

(Note: I like to take pics without the flash, therefore the dark and grainy quality of the pics. Too bad for those who like sharp pics. Ha!)

My Moo

Sheren & MH


Jede, Grace & I


Grumpy Tan (she lives up to her name)

Stayed at Graze till 1++ and then the very impromptu us (namely, yours truly) decided to go to Happy. I must say Brad rather enjoyed herself because she skipped work the next day! Hahaha.

###

Finally managed to catch Paradise Now tonight (sorry Jerry, X-Men was sold out so had to settle for this film). I enjoyed the whole movie, although a bit clueless about certain political figures, but nevertheless I did manage to understand and grasp the underlying political turbulence between the Israelites and the Palestinians. Jerry, you should catch it soon.

###

I'm finally feeling a certain sense of elation I haven't felt for a rather long time. Moo, Libbie and so many other people have been telling me to open myself up, otherwise I'll not be able to feel the happiness that certain risks bring. It was only till tonight did I manage to let myself be more receptive towards her and also to reciprocate that same tenderness without any barriers. Previously it was an issue of me being barred up, of me taking a risk, of me getting hurt, of me not wanting to give, of me, me and me....

Now the tide has turned and I'm beginning to warm up to her. Though I do have my worries, I'm now starting to realize that she does make me happy...because I want to be.

Sex and Money

Let's talk about sex.

No. That's boring and overrated. Sex may still be considered a taboo in certain societies, normally depending on what aspect or how sex is being discussed, but what I DO find is a taboo that no one, straight or gay, speaks about is: Money, and how much do you earn?

Try raising that over coffee and watch them squirm in their seats. I actually don't mind revealing how much I earn. I guess the real taboo is associated with revealing your monthly salary to your colleagues who are competitive in nature and start questioning you and themselves - am I not worthy enough even when I'm slogging my ass away? Am I not good enough? Is he/she going to climb over my head? How can I outdo her/him? How come I'm not being paid the same amount as him/her when I'm doing twice as much?

So who said dark, sexual fantasies or fetishes were something that one should not speak about? Once money comes into one of the topics of discussion, you'll be able to detect at least one or two of them changing the subject almost rather instantly.

I'm not afraid of revealing to people that I've practically been through my whole life with almost no savings at all. I'm very bad with money. Come payday and I get worried about my budget. Urgh.

People unashamedly discriminate against other people's private fetishes and sexual orientation. Get them to talk about their pay, then they'll know how it feels like to be put in an awkward position. But don't use the, "Don't mind me asking, but how much do you get paid per month?" It'll backfire.

A Moment's Distraction

I was about to write something when I got totally distracted by my own greediness. I just had dinner and went searching the fridge for more food, came back, sat myself in front of the computer and forgotten what I had wanted to write. Damn, I had something interesting to write about.

I hate the feeling of trying to recollect something you've forgotten about.

Optimistic Pessimist or Pessimistic Optimist?

During work, I thought of optimism. I thought of it because I knew I had been a terrible pessimist in the past which also led me to my downfall. It is only natural for one who had gone through a many bad incidents to be a pessimist, but ultimately what makes one happy, I believe, is optimism; the belief that better things have yet to come.

Yet how does one remain optimistic when all one has seen is tragedy played out in front of one’s eyes? Having read Voltaire’s Candide, it made me realize that tragedy is inevitable. By embracing the needlessness of bloodshed and tears and the suffering of humanity, one’s awareness will then be raised to a level where one will dispel the types of rigid thinking and abuses of power that serve to aggravate human misery. Nonetheless, optimism serves as a dangerous “temptation” that far from making life more pleasant, it tends to lead us to confusion, despair and resignation. It snuffs out that glimmer of hope we had carried before.

I’ve learnt to remain optimistic over the past few months only because it makes me happy. Ironically speaking, I’m an optimistic pessimist (if there ever is such a term). Wait, or is it the other way round? Hmm. I don’t deny I have my terribly cynical side of me, but I don’t let that bit eat my soul up till the extent where no expectations or hope remain in me. I guess the only real reason I’m optimistic compared to some other people is because by remaining so, it makes me happier for the day. Temporal as it may seem, I derive a certain sense of fulfillment from channeling my negative energy to a more positive one. Mental wise, I think I’m progressing. Mood wise, I think I’m sliding.

1st Encounter with the Supernatural and an Open Relationship

I have this dreaded feeling that I may now be involved in an “open relationship”, despite how I never could understand that term, or how the parties involved in an open relationship behave. To me, I draw a fine line between a fling and a relationship so it is rather paradoxical how I, a conservative person (ha!) would get myself involved in such a position I’ve been so wanting to avoid.

In a haste to avoid emotional linkages with everyone, I’m now suffering from slight emotional derangement. Now, if one was sensible enough, one would have turned ones back and continued walking. Truth is I’m recklessly sensible (though Zon might prefer ‘pleasurable sensibility’ as a term to use instead). I’m well aware of what all this will entail eventually, yet at the same time I’m allowing myself to drop down into this hole. I’m masochistic? Yes, I sure as hell agree. Sigh, such trouble I get myself into.

Yet she gives me such hedonic thrill.

###

Ok, I’m changing the subject now. Let me write down my first supernatural encounter of my life at the age of 24. My office building, Fuji Xerox Towers, is well known for being haunted due to its so-called ‘strategic location’. My office is on the 10^th floor, so my colleague, William, and I will always have to go down to the lobby to smoke during office hours. We’ll usually smoke at the fire emergency staircase on the 10^th floor when it’s after office hours because we can’t be fucked going down for the umpteenth time in a day.

The staircase is known to be haunted as William had experienced an encounter there, a rather freaky one in fact. But we still wanted to go there because we were told a monk had come to ‘cleanse’ our building and the ‘guests’ have been moved down and were told to reside permanently at Coffee Bean (!).

So it was like any other day when we were dying for a smoke at the end of the working day at the staircase, again. This time round, the fluorescent light on our level was malfunctioning and was flickering just like how it does in classic horror movies. We were both a bit worried and I could tell he was not the normal hyper person he was. Halfway through our cigarettes, I started to brush my left shoulder and jumped towards my colleague. Reason being, I had felt someone tap my left shoulder. I initially thought something fell from the ceiling, perhaps water droplets or insects, but there was nothing on my shoulder or on the floor after brushing it tons of times. Then I realized it didn’t feel like something had dropped on my shoulder, it did in fact feel like someone had tapped me.

We freaked out.

The next morning I was relating my encounter to a few of my colleagues and we brought another colleague in there, not to smoke but to take a look at how that dodgy place looks like and also being the silly us, to reenact what happened. Upon stepping out of the fire emergency door, my other colleague told me, “I’m not meaning to scare you, but I was rushing you guys out because I saw a white figure standing next to Karen at the exact same spot she was standing yesterday.” Damn. Now he tells me.

We still ended up going there to smoke again this morning. Hahaha.

You go to my head and you linger like a haunting refrain
And I find you spinning 'round in my brain
Like the bubbles in a glass of champagne
You go to my head like a sip of sparkling Burgundy brew
And I find the very mention of you
Like the kicker in a julep or two
The thrill of the thought that you might give a thought to my plea
Cast a spell over me
Still I say to myself get a hold of yourself
Can't you see that it never can be

You go to my head with a smile that makes my temperature rise
Like a summer with a thousand Julys
You intoxicate my soul with your eyes
Though I'm certain that this heart of mine
Hasn't a ghost of a chance in this crazy romance
You go to my head
You go to my head

Laughter is Good Medicine

My whole afternoon was a series of laughter, food and laughter again, thanks to my colleague, William.

We decided to head somewhere far to have lunch because our boss isn’t around this week and so we ended up at Tiong Bahru Market. Ordered 16 pieces of chee kueh (which was very oily), CKT, sugar cane juice and then we proceeded to buy egg tarts and char siew pao for tea.

What made us laugh the whole afternoon was a mistake that my colleague made. He started pointing at the curry puffs and asking the uncle if they were char siew paos. We couldn’t contain our laughter and continued giggling and laughing like silly women all the way back to the office.

As a result, he has now moved his laptop and cameras to another department’s desk, claiming that he no longer belongs to ATO (Asia Technical Team) but ISO (International Sales Office) and sulking at the same time. Wahahahaha!

So now, char siew paos = curry puffs.

I think I laugh a bit too loudly for my own good. Hmm. People start laughing when they look at me laughing. Kekeke. Plus I’m so tickled by laughter now anything will make me laugh.

Geez, now he's acting dramatic and told me to listen to some song that describes his feelings now. Wahahahaha.

A Voice From Melbourne...

I received a call from my dad in Melbourne. Although overjoyed upon hearing his voice, I felt terribly disheartened when I heard that he has given up his camera business and moved in with my relatives. This step, we both know in our hearts, is a point where he has reached a dead end. So when I heard the news he related to me, I felt terribly helpless. I had a sudden urge to fly over just to see him, to be there, although there’s nothing I can do.

At this moment, I’m financially incapable of supporting two separated parents, whom obviously do not want to live in the same country in the near future, who both lament how financially tight they are. So tell me, how does one go about in such a sticky situation?

Not a single call from any family member except my dad is able to render me tearing at work. Well, maybe except one person, but this time round this helplessness is eating into me. He’s 62, jobless and having problems applying for welfare.

Maybe I should have stayed on in Melbourne, at least for a few more years. Yet I myself have also reached a point of no return. Going back is totally out of the question for now since I’ve established this lifestyle of mine here. So the question remains: am I willing to give up what I’m trying to establish here and go back somewhere where I see no opportunity and comfort at work? Answer is “No”. Guess the only way would be to send him some money for the time being till he works something out over there. A large contributing factor to my decision on working is also due to the fact that I felt guilty and uncomfortable about spending anymore of his money.

It’s ironic how I hardly lived with him over the past 6 years and the strain it could have put on our relationship, has at the same time morphed into a kind of moral support we gave each other. The support was always present, though we spent a large amount of time being physically apart.

I’m now going to take a long drag from my ciggie and mentally fuck myself for my incapableness because I am now going through the turmoil I had been going through for the past years. It never ends.