A Voice From Melbourne...

I received a call from my dad in Melbourne. Although overjoyed upon hearing his voice, I felt terribly disheartened when I heard that he has given up his camera business and moved in with my relatives. This step, we both know in our hearts, is a point where he has reached a dead end. So when I heard the news he related to me, I felt terribly helpless. I had a sudden urge to fly over just to see him, to be there, although there’s nothing I can do.

At this moment, I’m financially incapable of supporting two separated parents, whom obviously do not want to live in the same country in the near future, who both lament how financially tight they are. So tell me, how does one go about in such a sticky situation?

Not a single call from any family member except my dad is able to render me tearing at work. Well, maybe except one person, but this time round this helplessness is eating into me. He’s 62, jobless and having problems applying for welfare.

Maybe I should have stayed on in Melbourne, at least for a few more years. Yet I myself have also reached a point of no return. Going back is totally out of the question for now since I’ve established this lifestyle of mine here. So the question remains: am I willing to give up what I’m trying to establish here and go back somewhere where I see no opportunity and comfort at work? Answer is “No”. Guess the only way would be to send him some money for the time being till he works something out over there. A large contributing factor to my decision on working is also due to the fact that I felt guilty and uncomfortable about spending anymore of his money.

It’s ironic how I hardly lived with him over the past 6 years and the strain it could have put on our relationship, has at the same time morphed into a kind of moral support we gave each other. The support was always present, though we spent a large amount of time being physically apart.

I’m now going to take a long drag from my ciggie and mentally fuck myself for my incapableness because I am now going through the turmoil I had been going through for the past years. It never ends.